


Favorite Record

by jfcmartin



Series: All Roads Lead to You [2]
Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Amnesia, Anxiety Attacks, Based on a Fall Out Boy Song, Childhood Friends, Fluff and Angst, Friends to Lovers, Implied Sexual Content, M/M, Minor Character Death, PBB, Phandom Big Bang, Phandom Big Bang 2016, Romantic Soulmates, Slow Burn, Soulmate AU, Soulmate-Identifying Marks, Treasure Hunting, is there anything else?, ok we get it its a soulmate au lmao
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-16
Updated: 2016-11-12
Packaged: 2018-08-30 12:19:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 34,471
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8532832
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jfcmartin/pseuds/jfcmartin
Summary: Phil’s most treasured memories are the times he had spent with his childhood best friend, Dan. Unfortunately, Dan doesn’t remember it just as much because of an accident two months after he moved away. Phil is determined to help him bring back his memories, winding up making new ones in the process.





	1. I can't remember just how to forget

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone! This is my submission for the coolest thing ever that is the [Phandom Big Bang](http://phandombigbang.co.vu/)!!! I'm also including this as part of my soulmate au's verse since this is definitely a soulmate au if you haven't figured out with all the tags I used. And even if the entire fic has Muse songs incorporated in it, they fic is actually based off Favorite Record by Fall Out Boy, so that's where all the long chapter titles comes from lmao
> 
> This is also the longest fic I've ever written so I ~~might~~ will be emotional in the end of the story. 
> 
> Shout out to all the amazing people that helped make this fic possible!!
> 
> [Mariana](https://marianathehypertiredgirl.tumblr.com/) for being the most patient and brilliant beta ever!! Like seriously man you'd be surprised how many corrections she had to make ~~totally not 500~~
> 
> [Claire](http://diljamechalhowlter.tumblr.com/) for doing a sick and hella cool job for being both a cheerleader and the artist at the same time!! Wooo!!! Check out [this hecka rad cool art boi](URL)
> 
> [Lily](http://avocaedo.tumblr.com/), who is literally not in the Phandom anymore, for helping me pick out Muse songs to go along with the scenes!! She probably forgot all about it since it's been so long but thanks pal :')
> 
> Also a special shoutout to [Lei](http://christmassyhowell.tumblr.com/) and [Sone](http://lesterrr.tumblr.com/) for volunteering to help me out too!!! You guys are neato!!!
> 
> Anyway, lets proceed to the story! Hope you guys enjoy this as much as I enjoyed writing it :')

Martyn invited Phil over to paint his and Cornelia’s new flat. She left for a family reunion in Hampshire and Martyn wanted to surprise her with the newly painted flat. They’ve pulled out every single DIY idea from Pinterest to give their flat a makeover even before they bought it so they had a general idea what colors and designs she wanted. 

Cornelia made Martyn promise that they painted the flat together, but since he was a sneaky little shit, he was having none of it. So here he was, on his way to help Martyn paint walls in incognito to surprise his soulmate for their two year anniversary.

Martyn and Cornelia’s love story, in Phil’s opinion, was very unconventional. Of all places, Martyn met his soulmate at a Tesco at three in the morning. He ran out of milk and he was craving cereal, so he walked four blocks to a 24/7 Tesco wearing pajamas in the cold winter evening. He decided to buy cookie dough (because why not) and brushed past Cornelia, who claimed to be going through girl issues at the time, scanning the frozen pizza section. 

Their shoulders bumped into each other despite the wide aisle space and that’s when the magic happened. They felt a ticklish sensation through their forearm, like hundreds of feathers running through your arm as Martyn would describe it, and flowers literally bloomed on their skin. They said it started with one small flower in the corner and it soon followed by several more racing around it.

Since the flower that blooms on your skin when you touch your soulmate is their favorite flower, Martyn now sports sunflowers on his right arm while Cornelia bears stargazers on her left arm. Martyn used to be intimidated with sunflowers as a kid since they were far too tall for his liking, but now he’d look at them with such pride and joy. 

Probably twenty people asked him how it all happened the morning after and Martyn had to repeat the same story over and over again, but he was too ecstatic that he could go on for days. He really goes into detail about the surroundings, the icy feeling of the flowers tracing on his arm, the way Cornelia’s eyes shone. Even Phil memorized the story;  it was ridiculous.

Phil couldn’t admit it, but he was envious of his brother. He wanted to experience it because his brother said it was the best feeling in the world. It’s just like when older siblings pressured you into riding a rollercoaster because it made you a grown up, and honestly, he was willing to be fooled into wanting to find his soulmate. He never thought about who they are, not until Martyn found his. 

But soulmate marks only appear once you’re eighteen years old. As soon as Phil reached that age, he practically bumped into every single person he saw in the streets in hopes of meeting his soulmate, but so far, he hasn’t been very successful. He’s heard of a lot of cases where people don’t meet their soulmate: either they died or are in the other side of the planet. Phil hopes he isn’t one of those people. 

Phil trudged to the tube station with his hands in his pockets and his nose nuzzled on his scarf. It was probably zero degrees out and the wind could propel him off the ground, he didn't know if he should be happy or mad that it wasn't raining. He bounced up and down as he crossed the street, earning a few side glances from the short old women wearing bulky coats. 

He jogged faster to get hold of the door before it closed and sighed in relief as the heating did its wonders. He took his Oyster card and tapped it on the yellow circle, prompting the gates to open. He slid in and descended on the flight of stairs, groaning as he was met again by the cold harsh air. 

Phil felt his phone buzz in his pockets, so he took it out and squinted to read the notification under the glare of the useless sun. It was a text from Martyn. 

_ I will finish the pizza if u dont get here fast. _

The food is admittedly the bait that lured him into helping Martyn. After eating a lot of instant noodles for the past few weeks, the premise of solid and non instant food sounds very promising. He typed up a reply saying that he is at the underground tube and on his way and hit send.

Phil did not have the energy to try and reach the current train as it was about to close. The wheels started to squeak against the tracks and sped up, whizzing past him and left with a cold rush of air. He positioned himself by the information booth to block out some of the wind. 

Phil scanned the crowd and silently laughed at their ridiculous attempts to stay warm. He made a little mental tally sheet to rate people based on how effective their efforts were and if he thought it was a good idea to try, too. One brought a blanket with him and wrapped it around his shoulders; Phil gave him a nine out of ten.

He cursed himself for not getting a thicker coat before coming to the tube station. He decided to just go here straight after getting off work because it was faster than actually jogging back home. 

He worked part time as a cashier in a second hand bookstore. It was the only place that accepted him, plus they were giving him a decent paycheck. It helped him live in his own dingy flat without any roommates so Phil wasn’t really complaining. Save for the occasional middle aged men or desperate students needing a certain book, the place was practically a deserted landfill. Some of the books they sell are battered and aren’t really interesting. He wondered what was even keeping it up and running. 

It took Phil three seconds to realize there was a woman approaching him. She seemed pretty angry while a tall brunet walked behind her in distress. His mind is starting to go through the five stages of grief as she came closer. He started wondering if they were actually going towards him or if he was just in the way of their real target. Either way, the woman was pretty intimidating despite the fact that she wearing pastel clothes.

“Excuse me, sir,” the woman spat. Yes, it was directed at him. “My friend here,” she jutted her thumb at the teen behind her, “told me you were staring at him. What’s your deal?”

Phil tried to open his mouth to say something but closed it again, too intimidated by the woman to even breathe.  _ He didn’t even realize he was staring at him! _ Her eyes were fixed on Phil’s, not even blinking or twitching her eye away. If she was trying to demonstrate how creepy he must’ve looked like to her, she really proved her point.

“Hello?”    
  
“I was just spacing out, I’m sorry!” He mumbled fastly, shooting his hands up in surrender. The woman squinted at him; she wasn’t convinced with his answer.

The teen tugged her sleeve and whispered something in her ear, giving Phil warying glances.  _ Yeah, very subtle, _ he thought. The woman’s face scrunched up; whatever he said made her angry. They began arguing in hushed tones, which was quite impressive under the loud chatter from the people surrounding them. 

“I’m not aggressive,  _ Daniel, _ ” she said loudly, Phil was happy he’s finally part of the conversation. It was subtle, but Phil noticed that ‘Daniel’ cringed at the sound of his name. 

“That’s your name? Daniel?” Phil asked the teen curiously. It was as if a link in his head somehow connected the name with someone possessing similar features with him. It was like a distant memory, something in the back of his head that has been suppressed for quite a long time. But of course, Phil talked without thinking it through, so it must’ve sounded really creepy.

“Yeah, it is,” she answered for him. Crossing her arms, she added, “What about it?” Phil got the message that he wouldn’t be great buddies with this woman any time soon and the look on Daniel’s face made it pretty clear she wasn’t a person to be messed with. 

Phil decided that anything he said wouldn’t make her in any way impressed. He laughed nervously and replied, “It just sounds really familiar.”

She scoffed and Daniel looked as if he wanted to get swallowed into the earth, staring uncomfortably on his feet. “Well, Daniel is a pretty common name, isn’t it?” she said.   


Phil smiled, trying his best to look as sincere as possible. “Its nice to meet you, Daniel and…” He trailed off.

“Louise,” she gritted, grabbing his hand for a “friendly” handshake, but Phil could feel at least three of his bones crushing at her grip. He honestly felt Daniel was friendlier than Louise. Daniel is probably just shy when he meets new people, just like himself. On the other hand, Louise would probably throw a punch at him if he stepped out of line. 

Dan lifted his gaze a little bit higher, right at the print on his blue shirt that reads  _ Shelf Esteem _ , the name of the bookstore. He said, “Call me Dan instead.” Phil could’ve sworn he’s heard of someone saying that before. Dan’s eyes lifted to meet his and it suddenly clicked.  _ Oh. _

~

_ Phil took a plastic chair from his mum’s lawn and positioned it by the fence. He stood on top of it and leaned over the fence, watching people take out huge cardboard boxes from a truck and into the blue house. A boy, skipping around the pavement, held a maroon teddy bear.  _

_ “Hey! What’s your name?” Phil called.  _

_ The kid spun around and furrowed his eyebrows. He raised his head and spotted Phil resting his head on the fence, he squinted a bit at the sun glaring behind him. He walked up and said, “Daniel Howell. But don’t you ever call me that. Call me Dan instead.” _

_ Phil scrunched his nose. “Dan is a very common name.” _

_ Dan huffed and crossed his arms. “Well, I’m the best one there is. What about you? What's your name?” _

_ “Phil,” he replied, earning a cackle from Dan.  _

_“Phil is a very_ _common name,” Dan mocked his previous comment._

_ “Not as common as Dan,” Phil countered.  _

_ ~ _

“Isn’t your name Dan Howell?” Phil asked rather bluntly. He hoped it didn’t sound too creepy or anything, but Dan’s expression showed Phil that his question definitely did.

“Yeah,” he answered uneasily. “How did you know?”

Phil’s eyebrows shot upwards and he said, “Don’t you remember? I’m Phil Lester! We were neighbors in Manchester!”

He was waiting for Dan’s  _ ahah! m _ oment, but it hasn’t happened, yet. Phil tried to trigger it by gesturing at himself awkwardly, maybe he was a familiar face. Dan just looked at him like he grew another head. 

“Remember Phantasy Land?” Phil tried, searching Dan’s face for any sort of recognition. Louise was just as confused as Dan was.

He furrowed his eyebrows and shook his head. “No, I don’t, sorry,” was his reply. 

The train finally arrived and began to slow down in front of them. Louise wrapped her arm around Dan and forcefully smiled at Phil saying, “Well, it was nice meeting you, Phil. Our train is here, see you!”

The train squeaked to a stop and Louise dragged Dan into the closest open door. Dan tried to say something but Louise’s grip on his arm was too tight. Dan just grimaced and Phil stood on his position, unable to move as he processed what just happened. 

Phil felt an obnoxious vibration in his pocket, so he took out his phone and read the text notification that read, 

_ Where are u? I’m eating breadsticks _ . 

Phil rolled his eyes and walked towards the train as the doors started to close. He groaned and quickened his pace. Phil extended his hand in attempt to hold the door but he retracted it as the doors banged shut. 

“No,” he whispers through gritted teeth as the train started moving. He checked the board above him to see when would the next train would arrive. It was in five minutes. Just enough time for Martyn to eat the rest of the breadsticks.

* * *

“Why are you late? I thought you were in the station when I texted you?” Martyn interrogated as Phil shrugged his coat off and shoved it into the closet. He proceeded to take off his scarf and gloves as well and placed them on the coffee table.

“Train traffic,” was all he could reply. 

He took the paintbrush on the couch and ran the bristles on his palm. His brother wasn’t exactly satisfied with his answer, he could feel Martyn’s eyes boring through his head. He couldn’t tell if Martyn was mad or unamused; the vibe he gave off made Phil very uncomfortable. 

“Okay,” he sighed as he sat on the couch and rested his feet over the coffee table. “D’you remember my childhood friend?”

“Dan?” Martyn asked, eyeing Phil’s feet since he still had his shoes on. Phil took the hint and took his feet off the table and toed his shoes off. His brother grunted in approval and sat on the love seat across from him. He didn’t have the heart to tell his brother that he’s slowly morphing into their mother. 

“How can I forget? You never stopped talking about him two years after he moved out.”

“Yeah, right. I saw him at the tube station,” he explained. He fiddled with the brush in his hand when he added, “I’m pretty sure it’s him, but by the looks of it, he doesn’t recognize me.”

“Did it ever occur to you, Phil, that maybe he isn’t,” he asked dryly. 

“But then, Martyn,” he continued, using the same tone, “I asked ‘Isn't your name Dan Howell?’ and he said yes.”

“Dan Howell might be a really common name, Phil,” he offered. “Besides, it’s been like, what,  nine years? I can’t even remember my own lab partner from high school.”

Phil was frustrated that everyone, even Dan himself, told him he was wrong. But he got this strong hunch that it was really him, that kid in the blue house. He didn’t really have much proof yet, but he was positive, and he didn’t know why. 

He sighed, got up and said, “So, where’s the pizza? I’m starving.”

Martyn chuckled, probably glad that he dropped the subject, and got up as well. He muttered, “Hi, Starving. I’m dad.” Phil then took the nearest throw pillow and chucked it at his direction. 

* * *

Phil is officially spending his 20th birthday at Manchester; his mother insisted that he should celebrate his first year as an adult in his childhood home. No matter how much Phil tried to convince her that they could go to some restaurant, she stuck to what she wanted.

She invited family and friends for a home cooked dinner. He’s pretty sure a few of his close relatives would be there, but was in the dark about which friends she chose to invite. Most of them were in London anyway; he hasn’t got the chance to introduce them to her. Phil wasn’t sure if she still had contact with any of his old friends back from primary or secondary school. If that’s the case, he’ll be dreading the conversation later.

Phil loved his mother’s cooking, she easily lured him into the house with the promise of making his favorite casserole. It was his comfort food when he was a kid and it guaranteed to make him feel much better when he’s sick.

He took the train to Manchester with Martyn and Cornelia, who were more excited about the birthday celebration than he was. Cornelia kept teasing him about the birthday present they were going to give him, but Phil did not keep his hopes up. They probably got a shirt that says “20% complete” or some punny one-liner. 

Once they got home, he marched right up to his room, he fell asleep as soon as his body hit the mattress. His nap lasted for about thirty minutes. Phil stared at the ceiling blankly for god knows how long. 

He was in his bedroom to rest before having to socialize with people for the rest of the evening. He kept his fingers crossed and hoped it would go smoothly and no pressing subjects would surface. Even if his mother claimed that she just invited a small crowd, he was sure he was going to make a mess of himself somehow. 

He was glad his mother kept his room the way it was before he moved to his own flat. It was somehow comforting to pretend he was still his thirteen year old self again. His bookshelf filled with random books and action figures stood by his bed. Some of the posters in his ceiling were peeling off. He thought of grabbing a broom to poke on the adhesives to keep it in place, but Phil was too lazy to move a muscle.

He jolted up at the sound of a violent ring. Phil groaned; it was his mother's doorbell.  _ She should seriously get that changed,  _ he thought. It was one of those old fashioned ones that probably sounded a hundred decibels. 

“Linda! It's so great to see you,” Phil could faintly hear. It was followed with a series of coos and introductions. He could feel his mother would call him down at any moment. 

“Phil!”  _ There it is,  _ he thought. 

“Coming!” he called back. He sighed, saying goodbye to his precious time alone. He swung the duvet off his body and got off his bed. He didn't bother with wearing slippers since he was wearing his koala socks anyway.

He glanced at the mirror by his closet and ruffled his hair a bit. He ran his hands over his clothes to get rid of the awkward creases. He grabbed his glasses from his nightstand and put them on. Once he looked semi decent, he willed himself to the door. 

“Phil! Get down here! ” his mother repeated.

“I’m getting there!” he replied. He hurriedly descended down the flight of stairs, almost falling over, and went to the source of the talking in the dining room. 

The visitors were already sat on their respective chairs. He only saw his nan and his younger cousin, Charlie. Martyn and Cornelia were obviously present and helping his mother set up the table. Martyn looked at him worriedly, but before Phil got to ask a silent question, Charlie cheered happy birthday. He shot him an annoyed glance and he instantly stopped. 

Phil noticed a woman sitting beside Charlie, but he had no idea who she was. He thought for a second that she was his aunt, but she’s blonde, the woman sitting is brunette. His mother had to fill him in.

“Oh, Phil! You remember Linda, right? She used to live by the house you always went to when you were younger!” Phil could hear the blood rushing through his ears.  _ If she was here, then… _

“Oh, here’s Dan,” the woman named Linda said. He turned around, and indeed, it was Dan. He had the same white earbuds plugged in his ear. He was wearing a white shirt with dozens of moths dotting around it, a bit too formal for dinner.

Dan’s eyes widened, probably in recognition, probably in confusion. Phil watched with the corner of his eyes as Martyn grimaced and exited the dining room. He gave his mother a side glance and raised his eyebrow. Phil definitely felt the joy of the reunion. 

“You remember Phil, don’t you sweetie?” Linda asked slowly. “Didn’t I tell you all about him?”

Dan offered a weak smile and said, “Yeah. Hi, Phil.” He started playing with the hem of his shirt, obviously starting to get uncomfortable with the whole situation. 

“Hi,” he responded with the same weak enthusiasm. “Wanna take a seat?” he offered. It was the least he could do. 

Dan muttered a thanks and sat across Phil. Both their mothers shared knowing glances. If they expect them to start catching up on each other, then they’ll be gravely disappointed.

He thought he should at least engage in a little small talk. “So Dan, what song are you listening to?” he asked him, before proceeding to ask himself  _ why.  _ Phil then tried to make himself feel better thinking that at least he didn’t talk about the weather or asked what’s up.

“Oh, I’m listening to Bliss by Muse,” he replied, instantly pulling his ear bud off his ear, a silent gesture to show that he won’t be completely ignoring Phil for the entire evening. 

~

_ “Hey, Dan! Look, I took this CD from my brother’s bag,” Phil boasted, throwing his school bag by the foot of the bed and toed off his shoes. He jumped and landed on his back on Dan’s bed, his force caused Dan to jump up as he sat cross legged.  _

_ Dan took the case from Phil and said, “The guy who made the cover must’ve been really lazy. It’s like a bunch of forks with the middle cut off.” _

_ “I like it,” Phil said, pushing the case from Dan’s hands a bit higher so he could read the writings at the back. “Let’s listen to Plug in Baby first.” _

_ Dan flipped the case and looked for what Phil was talking about. “That’s like the fifth in the list! We should listen to New Born first and continue it in astrological order.” _

_ “Don’t you mean ‘chronological’?” Phil giggled. _

_ Dan stuck his tongue out and replied, “No one asked, nerd.” _

_ ~ _

“Oh, that’s a good song,” Phil said half-heartedly, too caught up with the memories of hearing the song for the first time.  _ Does he even remember it?  _

“Yeah. It’s one of my favorites.” 

Phil’s nan must've been bored with their exchange because she started asking him about school. Yeah it’s great. Yeah his flat was doing great. Yeah the lessons are pretty tough. Oh you’re planning to take an English major too, Charlie? That’s great! 

The conversation started to simmer down and shifted into a discussion about his mother’s cooking, since she, Martyn and Cornelia placed bowls of soup and casseroles on the table. Phil’s eyes lit up when his mum place a plate of orange chicken in front of him. She winked before walking to the fridge to get bottles of pop. 

Phil inhaled the rich smell that filled the atmosphere and eagerly stretched his hand for the serving spoon of the orange chicken, and everyone joined in. His mother placed ginger ale on both sides of the table so that everyone could reach them before sitting beside Phil. She ruffled his hair and kissed him in the cheek, whispering a happy birthday to him. 

Everyone was too distracted with the food to even bother talking, besides his mother’s failed attempts to engage in a light conversation and Dan’s mother joining in; Phil thought they made a great team. He turn his head to Dan and met his eyes, obviously he was just as done as he was.

Martyn wiped his mouth with a napkin and stood up. “‘Scuse me for a minute, I have to go to the loo,” he explained, running out. Everyone was just about finished with their meals; the soup looked as if it was drained, Cornelia already took the last serving of shepherd’s pie, and Charlie was taking his last bite of lasagna. Phil’s mum looked very proud that her preparation was a success.

“Happy birthday, Phil!” he heard Martyn say, entering the room with a rectangular white cake with different candies shaped like plants and lions. Three blue candles stuck out from the middle and a small flame flickered on it. Martyn started singing the birthday song and everyone sang along. 

What do people even do when people sing happy birthday to them? Phil always tried to drown their voices out to pretend like it wasn’t happening, but sometimes he forgets to tune them back in until they stared at him for a solid three seconds before he finally responds with an awkward  _ thanks guys!  _ This time around, he just stared at the cake the entire time.

He groaned when it was finally over and stood up, looking at the decorations on the cake and the red letters that read  _ Happy 20th Philip!  _ He said, “Thank you! I hope it’s not vanilla though.”

Martyn winked and said, “Don’t worry, I got chocolate marble.” Phil sighed in relief. On his last birthday, his mother bought vanilla by mistake since the icing was dark. They barely finished a quarter of it.

“Make a wish, Phil!” His mum took her phone out and took a photo of him and Martyn with the cake, Phil holding up a thumbs up ironically. He saw Dan chuckle from behind his mum. She instructed him to start blowing the candles. He closed his eyes, thought for a moment, and blew the candles. His mum’s phone made obnoxious shutter sounds as she took photos and his visitors clapped. He thanked everyone once again.

Martyn took the liberty to take small plates from the cupboard and forks and passed them around the people by the table. Cornelia assisted him and took the cake knife and expertly cut the cake into decent proportions and distributed them. Phil got the biggest piece, of course.

He watched as Martyn and Cornelia fed cake to each other, giggling as they purposely avoided the other’s mouth and made a mess of themselves. They were absolutely smitten. Phil cringed at his own cake and looked up, accidentally making eye contact with Dan. He raised his eyebrows and Phil nodded apologetically.

Once they were finished with their dessert, Martyn stood up and went the the kitchen again. He came back with eight sticks he got from the junk drawer and held them on the center of the table equally leveled together in his fist. 

“Everyone pick a stick and whoever gets the smallest one gets to load the dishwasher. Close your eyes folks!” Martyn smiled cheekily. 

It was a rule the Lester clan followed since indoor plumbing has been invented. When there are more than a group of five people in the table, they must draw sticks to determine who gets to do the dishes. They’ve actually kept up with the times and used dishwashers instead. 

As the birthday boy, Martyn offered the sticks to Phil first. “No cheating,” his brother said, prompting Phil to close his eyes. He blindly hovered his hand to look for Martyns fist, and when he found it, he picked up a random stick from the bunch and held onto it until everyone got their turn.

Martyn took what was left from his bunch and giggled excitedly. In the count of three, everyone opened their eyes, and when they did, they sighed in relief as they got a stick approximately the size of their index finger. Phil, however, wasn’t just as lucky. 

“I can do this myself, Phil! Consider this as my birthday gift for you.” Phil’s mother offered, snapping her own stick to make it smaller than Phil’s. 

Phil shrugged and tossed the stick on the plate in front of him and stacked plates on each other. “I can do this myself, I did pick the smallest stick after all.”

She frowned, but before she could protest, Martyn swooped in, wrapping his arms around her and said, “Worry not, mother. Phil can do all of that himself. He’s a big boy now. Why don’t we celebrate that by watching one of his baby videos?”

“What?” Phil’s head shot up at his suggestion.

“Oh, that’s a great idea!” their mother agreed immediately. “Be quick, okay?” she ordered Phil as she led the guests to the living room. Martyn turned to face him and winked. Phil chucked a crumpled paper towel at his direction and began to work.

He noticed Dan stayed behind and started stacking bowls together. “I can help you if you want,” Dan offered. He carrying as much as he could on his hands. He smiled meekly and together they brought dishes to the kitchen.

“Sure, I guess,” Phil responded, as if he had a choice anyway.

“I’ll get the rest of the plates,” Dan said, dropping them on the counter. 

Dan probably did this out of guilt since their sort-of-first meeting didn’t go great, and meeting again was the most awkward thing they’d ever experience. At least he was making an effort.

As Dan walked outside, Phil went to work. He kicked the rubbish bin by the sink to make it easier to throw the scraps of food using a fork. Dan returned with four glasses tucked in between his fingers. He bit his lip in concentration. 

“Thanks for helping me,” Phil said as he pulled out the top layer of the dishwasher so Dan could line them up. 

Phil walked back to the dining room to get as much dishes as he could without shattering all of them on the ground. He walked back and placed them on the counter as Dan started to load the dishwasher. 

“It’s the least I can do, I guess. Happy birthday, by the way,” Dan said.

“Thank you,” Phil replied, right after setting the dishes on the sink. He couldn’t do multitasking so talking while carrying five serving bowls wasn’t the best idea.

“Just to give you a heads up, I didn’t know what to get you for your birthday so I just bought a scented candle.” 

Phil beamed. He loved scented candles. “That’s great! What scent?”

Dan looked at him, surprised that he had a genuine interest in candles. “Toasted marshmallow?”

~

_ “Are you sure your mother is okay with you doing this?” Phil watched Dan apprehensively. He was tossing a few sticks and papers on a navy tarp on the ground and lighting them up with a match. _

_ “It’s not like I’m burning the entire house, am I?” Dan argued. He watched in amazement as the fire began to grow before him. The fire appeared to be travelling along the sicks, flickering and popping as the cold evening wind blew.  _

_ Phil tried to enjoy the comfort of the warmth in attempt to ignore the sinking feeling in his chest that Dan might actually set the house on fire. Dan began to prod the fire with a branch he saw lying around under a tree and it made Phil even more uncomfortable.  _

_ Phil mentioned the other day that he hasn’t tried s’mores before. Sure, he did try a graham cracker, a marshmallow, and a chocolate bar on separate accounts, but he didn’t get to try them all at the same time. Dan saw this as an opportunity to burn his homework from the previous quarter to give him the chance to try it.  _

_ Dan picked up the plastic bag by his foot and took the bag of marshmallows out, tossing it above the fire towards Phil. Although startled, Phil was able to catch it. He ripped it open and popped one in his mouth. Dan proceeded to take the rest of the ingredients out of the bag, dropped them on the ground and tucked the bag into his pocket. _

_ Phil did ask Dan if they could just make a s’more in a toaster or something, but he said it ruined the essence of the entire s’more and proceeded to rant about it. But Phil wasn’t fooled; it was obviously just an excuse to make a fire. _

_ Dan walked up to Phil and poked a marshmallow in the bag using a roasting stick, handing it to Phil and making one for himself. He taught Phil the correct technique to roast the marshmallow, arrange the s’more, and eat it without getting it all over your shirt.  _

_ “So, what do you think?” Dan asked through his mouthful of hot s’mores.  _

_ “Eh, it’s alright,” Phil muttered, picking on his own s’more to let it cool down a bit.  _

_ Dan clutched his chest dramatically and gaped at him. Phil furrowed his brows and asked what’s going on. “In this world, s’mores must not be described as ‘alright’. You know what’s alright? Sugar cookies. Mashed potatoes. S’mores exists in a higher form of excellence, and aren’t akin to sugar cookies or mashed potatoes!”  _

_ Phil shrugged, biting onto his treat as it already cooled down. “Don’t be so  _ mallow _ dramatic.” _

_ Dan glared at him and snatched the s’more on Phil’s hand, throwing it towards the fire. _

~

The memory stung him when Dan mentioned marshmallows. Phil thought for a moment before asking, “Can you be honest with me, Dan?” and proceeded to help him with the plates. 

“Sure, why?” Dan uttered, watching his every move, probably to see if he could make out what Phil was trying to say. Phil tried his best not to give anything away, but Cornelia said it was really obvious when he’s nervous.

He stopped for a moment and straightened his back. He leaned against the counter, to brace himself for the answer Dan may or may not give, and crossed his arms. “Do you really remember who I am?”

Dan looked down and stared at the glass on his hand. He placed it gently on the rack and slowly shook his head. Phil sighed, probably of frustration or disbelief. Surely it hasn’t been that long ago, right? 

“My mother told me we were neighbors.” He rearranged the glasses around to appear busy. “That’s all I knew about you. I never saw a picture or anything of you.” 

“It’s like when your parents tell you stories from when you were younger but you don’t remember any of it. Like you just force yourself in it to make it your own memory. I never got a face to that Phil person she kept talking about, we didn’t have any pictures or anything, so I didn’t think you were of much significance,” he paused before adding, “no offence though.”

“Right,” Phil said, trying to sound less disappointed than he already was. He was glad to know that he was just a faceless name in his file of people. Phil thought he was a life changing element in Dan life that make him unforgettable, someone that taught you a lesson that you will carry no matter where you go, but he was wrong.

“She did say I called you “amazing Phil” and you called me “Dan is not on fire”, though she never knew why.”

Phil half-heartedly chuckled, placing the rest of the dishes into the dishwasher and pushing the racks in. Phil said, “It’s a really long story, but let’s just say, you had an obsession with burning stuff.” 

He walked around and bent beside Dan, opening the cabinet behind his legs and took out the box of dishwasher tablets. Dan jumped a little before he realized what Phil was doing. Phil took one from the box and chucked it in the dishwasher, pushing the door back. He pressed a few buttons to adjust the settings as Dan says, “Really?” He tilted his head and smiled. “I’m not saying I still do but...” he suggested and his voice trailed off. 

Phil laughed, shutting the dishwasher and pressing the start button. He was relieved Dan was warming up to him. Even if he didn’t remember him before, at least they were going somewhere today. He was more comfortable talking to Phil here than at the tube station. Maybe it was just Louise, or maybe he was just realized he wasn’t a predator. 

He also noted Dan still has the humor and sarcasm he knows him for. He would usually make the most awkward situations bearable by busting out a crappy pun or one-liner. Some of them were quite insulting for someone who hasn’t met him, and although it might’ve aggravated Phil sometimes, he knew Dan is not doing it on purpose. 

“Well, all we have to do is to clean the table and-”

“Phil!” he heard his mum call, followed by laughter.

“Oh no,” he muttered. Dan furrowed his eyebrows. They heard the sound of a babbling baby from the living room, and Dan passed Phil a silent form of understanding. Phil nodded and slumped on the counter at the center of the kitchen. 

“ _ Light!”  _

Everyone started to coo and Phil buried his head on his hands. Thanks to his parent’s camera, every single one of his actions were documented, and will forever be used as blackmail. He cursed the invention of modern technology before his birth.

“Do you mind if I watch? We’re practically done here,” Dan asked teasingly. 

“Yes, I really do,” Phil mumbled gravely.

“Gotcha,” said Dan, and despite what he just said, he stepped out and headed to the living room.

* * *

“Thank you for coming over, Linda,” Phil’s mum said, enveloping Dan and then his mum in a tight embrace.

“Anything to make Phil happy,” Linda replied, glancing knowingly at Phil.  _ What will make me happy,  _ Phil thought,  _ is when you leave right now immediately.  _ “You know what? Can I have a word with you, Phil? In private?” 

His mouth said ‘sure’ but his head said ‘nope’ repeatedly. Phil led her to the dining room, which was quiet in contrast to the living room where the television was still playing  _ Armageddon _ . The oak dining table was pristine; the only object in place was a vase of white flowers similar to little bells, which were Lilies of the Valley, Phil’s favorite flower. Thanks to Dan’s assistance, there wasn’t even a trace of a birthday dinner ever happening.

Her movements were very small and calculated, almost as if she was going to break if she took a wider step . Phil offered her a seat and she accepted it, marvelling in how polite he was. He smiled meekly and sat by her left.

“What did you want to tell me, Mrs. Howell?” he asked anxiously, although trying his best to hide it. He was terrible at keeping his emotions to himself. He would be a terrible actor.

“Please, call me Linda.” She waved her hand and sighed. “I just wanted to say I’m sorry about coming here.”

“No, it’s actually great that you stopped by!” He tried his best to be as chipper and gleeful like his mother, but he sure failed. “We were gonna be a small group anyway, and it’s not like my mum would cook any less than that.”

It probably worked, since Linda seemed to be more comfortable on her seat. She smiled as if to give a silent  _ thank you _ , but her tone turned serious once again. “I know it’s been difficult for you because you and Dan hadn’t kept contact since we moved. And I’m practically the one at fault,” she elaborated. 

Phil bit his lip. His mind was completely blank. What should he say? That he wasn’t bothered at all? That he was furious with her? He didn’t know, because he felt neither of them. He was surprised that they came, sure, but that was the point of not warning him beforehand. And it’s not like he’s been holding the grudge of him and Dan not keeping in touch all these years. 

“I just wanted to come clean about why, if he hasn’t told you yet.”

Phil gave her a nod, asking her to continue. He was a bit surprised that he didn’t really want to know anything, why Dan never sent all those emails he promised or sneaked in a little phone call when his parents weren’t looking. It took Phil two years to get over it, and now that he has, he didn’t really need an explanation anymore. But by the looks of it, there’s no stopping Linda from giving him one. 

“It was on Dan’s first day of school. We were trying to coax Dan into going to school, but he was so nervous. Having a new environment was really challenging for him; it was just like that when we moved to Manchester.”

He could beg to differ. When he first met Dan, he was very confident, as if he moved into town to mark his territory. It was a shame that they didn’t have any classes together, but Dan must’ve made a lot of friends to compensate for it. He was very confident of himself, after all.

But Phil just continued to listen.

She recalled how she tried to say encouraging words to make Dan go to school, how stubborn he was to even change into his uniform. She chuckled softly when she noted how Dan tried to dress up as messy as possible, leaving two buttons undone and his tie just hanging over his neck just to spite them. Linda said she had to make his favorite breakfast; bacon wrapped egg muffins to convince him to get into the car.

She said, Dan kept screaming and thrashing on his seat throughout the car ride to persuade them into turning back the car, but his father just continued driving. She had to comfort him the entire time from the front seat.

She drew a shaky breath before wiping her tears away. Linda glanced at Phil, who was watching her worriedly, and she laughed dryly. “Sorry. I know its been like what, ten years?” She pursed her lips and straightened her back.

“I understand, Linda. You don’t have to tell me what happened if you’re not comfortable.”

Linda shook her head. “You deserve to know,” she insisted.

She went on and talked about how Dan’s father had enough of the noise, he started yelling at Dan, which made their situation worse. Linda explained that Dan’s father had anger issues, and it reflected with his driving. She said he almost ran over a pedestrian before, after he received bad news from work. She was always worried that one day he’d cause serious damages. But that time, her nightmares became a reality. 

Unfortunately, it was even worse. As they drove through an empty intersection, with the street light in yellow, Dan’s father didn’t see a driver coming towards them from the right. Linda clearly remembered how fast the blue car was going as it crashed into them.

The police report said it was a drunk driver. A simple mistake costed the life of Dan’s father and Dan’s memories. Linda continued to sob as she said that she didn’t want to get the full report. She didn’t want to know the name of the driver, who happened to survive with just a concussion and a broken arm. She was afraid she would do something bad to him.

“I’m so sorry; making you rake over the ashes,” Phil said, unable to think up of ways to comfort her. He got up and took a pack of travel tissues from the junk drawer and handed it to her. She smiled sadly and took one out of the pack, patting it gently onto the corners of her eyes. 

“Don’t be silly. You looked like a confused puppy when you first saw us,” she chuckled. “You obviously needed an explanation.”

“Yeah, I guess so,” Phil mumbled and added, “thank you so much.” He went over and hugged Linda. Phil wasn’t really great at hugging, so it was as if he was just clinging onto her shoulders. She laughed again and got up, fixing her hair and her makeup with the reflection of her phone. Her eyes were a bit puffy from her crying session, but it wasn’t very obvious.

“We better get going, people outside must be waiting for us,” she said, taking Phil’s arm and squeezed it light-heartedly before returning to the living room.


	2. Song stuck in my head

Phil just got home from babysitting his neighbor’s kid, and it had sucked the life out of him. It had just been five hours, he kicked the door shut behind him and dragged himself to bed, landing face first into the duvet. Phil wondered where children got all the stamina to run around and scream their heads off every five seconds.

The couple living below him needed a babysitter to occupy their seven year old kid, Barry, for six hours. The father usually took care of the kid in the morning, while the mother was at work, and they would swap places in the evening. Today, however, the mother had to go to Sheffield for a day, so they needed someone to fill her spot. This was where Phil came in and saved the day.

Phil had known Barry for quite a while, since he frequently saw him every morning when he walked to school or when he finally decided to buy milk. Phil usually found Barry sitting by the stairwell eating whatever candy his parents bought from Poundland. The most bonding they’ve ever had was when he tripped over the kid’s leg once.

Barry was a pretty decent kid for the most part. All he did was play video games and whatever seven year old kids do when their parents are out: like making a huge mess of himself while Phil trailed closely behind him to get rid of everything he’s left behind. It was a completely different environment from what Phil is used to at the bookstore, so he didn’t exactly complain.

So now, it’s just Phil’s time to relax and enjoy himself while ignoring the fact that he had a Calculus test tomorrow. He knew most of the basic formulas anyway, so he can leave it at that.

Two minutes into his “me time”, there was a sinking feeling in his chest reminding him that he was very close to failing the semester, so he mentally tried to recite the formulas he could remember like a mini review, until he got stuck with one of them. He sighed and got up to get his laptop containing all his notes from the lesson. Most of them were just copied from his friend, Jack. Phil never knew how he kept himself awake in class, but apparently he could stay through his professor’s droning voice for an hour and a half.

He placed his laptop in the edge of the bed and turned it on as he went to get a glass of mango juice. When he came back, he sat cross-legged in front of his pillows and dragged his laptop in front of him. He typed his password and pressed enter, revealing his background image of Muse performing at the O2 arena last summer.

Phil waited for the document to open, which it took at least two minutes. His laptop was a hand me down from Martyn since he bought a new one. The laptop has been striving between Martyn and Phil for about four years. When the notes finally opened, he scrolled down to the formula he was looking for and rolled his eyes. _Of course._

After a few minutes of half-assed reviewing, he decided to treat himself with some internet time. He checked all his social media, checked his emails in case his professors cancelled anything; they didn’t.

Phil’s final destination was Facebook. His mother usually texted him from there upon the realization that she could personalize the entire chat. She changed the colors to purple, the emoji to a heart, and name to ‘Philly Bean’.

Although she didn’t text him anything, she did post new pictures of them from the birthday party. It must’ve took her two days to figure out how to transfer the images from the camera to the computer. And Martyn must’ve took the same amount of time to explain everything to her through the phone.

He clicked through the slideshow of pictures in his mum’s account. One of them was of Phil blowing the candles on his cake, another was of him opening the presents he received, and a series of other pictures of him trying to look remotely surprised for receiving another plain t-shirt.

The last few pictures were group photos of them sitting at the table, which Cornelia took using a selfie stick. Everyone with a Facebook were tagged, even Dan.

Phil hesitated for a moment before clicking on his name. Phil raised his eyebrows at his profile picture; it was of him smirking at the camera topless, his hair ruffled up and parted to his left, and his hand on his neck. His profile was private so Phil couldn’t really access any of his pictures. Not that he was going to go through every single one of them.

But then Phil thought, why not? He hovered his cursor over to the ‘Add as Friend’ button and closed his eyes before clicking on it. He gritted his teeth and pushed his laptop away as if it was on fire. _What if he doesn’t add him back? What if he was just being nice on his birthday?_ A lot of questions made him regret his decision even more.

However, all of those doubts got flushed down the drain as he received a notification saying Dan accepted his friend request. He sighed in relief.

Phil concluded his internet break to resume studying. He closed the window and reverted to his thinking face to memorize the formulas. It was an annoying process of trying to keep the letters and numbers in his brain while scolding himself to regain his focus.

What snapped him from this cycle was the vibration of his phone on his wooden side table. He snatched it up and checked the notification. It was a Facebook message. From Dan.

_Hey :)_

Phil eagerly opened the app and typed a response.

_Hi! what’s up?_

“What’s up, Phil? You’ve got to be kidding me,” he scolded himself.

_doing homework. u?_

_Same… i have a test tomorrow_

_dat sucks :/ hope u do ok_

It was as if Phil was trying to defuse a bomb. He tried his best to chat casually with Dan, but Phil was struggling with it, even if Dan wasn’t there to watch his every move. He felt like there were cameras all focused on him and an audience to laugh at him, including Dan.

Their conversation was going smoothly though. Dan said he just got out of piano lessons and gone through a whole lot of stress trying to meet requirements and beat deadlines since he’d be graduating high school this June. Phil completely forgot he was a few years older than Dan, so he got really confused when he talked about _trying_ to get to uni when he was already in uni.

To scare Dan about life in uni, Phil talked about his own struggles. He talked about how he tried to stay awake in a lecture that could be dragging for hours, hoping he won’t collapse every five seconds at work after coming out of a rough day in class, and basically repeating high school all over again but having it ten times worse.

Phil thought of lightening the mood by talking to Dan about Muse. He remembered Dan was listening to Muse at his birthday dinner, so it might be something they can connect with. Dan responded eagerly and started a conversation about their favorite album.

_you like origin of symmetry too??? Dajskdhsjkhaldl_

_yes im glad im not talking to an uncultured swine_

_so am i but if u aren’t listening to kanye too im unstanning_

Kanye West wasn’t exactly Dan’s best choice, in his opinion, and when he told him that, Dan got really angry.

_how dare u criticize my dad u know what im gonna fight u phil lester_

Dan’s choice of words made Phil chuckle, also very surprised with how passionate he was with Kanye West. Phil will probably have to consider some of his work.

Phil tried to stir the direction back to Muse, since it was something that flowed between them quite easily. Phil found out Dan loved the song Bliss, which probably ranked around fourth in his personal preference.

Dan mentioned that he bought the album Origin of Symmetry a few weeks ago, as it was the first one he owned. Phil bragged that he’s owned all of them for quite a while. Dan insisted that Phil showed them to him, so they decided to swap Skype usernames to initiate a video call since Dan said the Facebook video call was crappy, so Phil just took his word for it.

“Hello?” Phil tested, increasing the volume of his laptop.

“I hear you,” Dan replied. “Now show me the CD’s.” He scrunched his nose and pointed at him threateningly.

Phil held up his hands and said, “Eager, are we? Wait, I still have to get them.” He brought his laptop with him when he went to the bookcase near the window and propped it by the windowsill. He took down bottles of deodorant and knick knacks he never bothered throwing and took out all ten albums.

He held all of them together and brought them in front of the camera. Dan’s jaw dropped and he made an inhuman noise. Phil giggled and presented them individually, each receiving an equally enthusiastic recognition. Origin of Symmetry might’ve excited him the most though.

“How did you get _any_ of those? They’re expensive as heck!”

“Well,” Phil took both the laptop and albums and walked back to his bed, “I bought _Drones_ and _The 2nd Law_ by myself. I work part time at a second hand bookstore.”

“The rest of them are from my brother. He grew out of them, I guess, so he just gave them to me.” He arranged the albums in the order of release and placed them in a neat stack beside his laptop.

Dan gasped dramatically. “How can you ‘grow out’ of Muse?”

Phil chuckled. “I know right? Quite a shocker.” He lifted the pile to pull out Origin of Symmetry and put it on top as he contemplated if he should talk about their history with the CD’s together.

Phil remembered how Dan used to hold this exact CD in his hand ten years ago, criticizing the album art and reading the titles of the songs out loud. He remembered slotting the CD into the player as they listened intently to the guitar and drums playing in the background. For what it’s worth, Phil didn’t want to deprive Dan of any of those memories, but he also decided that he wanted to avoid letting his anxiety eat him during their Skype call.

“I actually wanted to tell you something,” Phil started off.

Dan looked startled, but he said, “Okay, go on.”

“Well… For starters, you’ve actually seen these CD’s before,” he started slowly, choosing his works carefully. Dan looked even more confused so he explained, “At first, when I asked you about me when we were at the kitchen, I wondered why you forgot about me that fast, but then your mum talked to me. She told me about what happened about the accident.”

“Oh, she did?” Dan asked, his shoulders dropping down. He was genuinely curious.

“Yeah,” Phil suddenly felt guilty for sucking away Dan’s energy, but there was no turning back now. “You used to visit me all the time at that house and we did a lot of wacky stuff, you know?” Dan nodded slowly. “And one time I snooped into Martyn’s bag and took some of these CD’s for us to listen,” He held up three of them. “Does that ring any bells at all?”

Phil was happy he took the effort to try and focus on the CD’s to draw anything back but he shook his head apologetically and said, “Sorry, I don’t.”

“It’s okay. I know it’s not just that easy,” he plopped back the CD’s onto the pile.

Dan smiled sadly and said, “Hey, Phil. You know what? You’re a really great friend.” Phil’s face lit up gently as he continued, “I don’t know what I did as a kid that made you generally interested in who I am--”

“You really have no idea,” Phil pipped in. Dan paused for a moment and his mouth curved to a smile.

“--but I really want to know everything about it.”

There were probably thousands of stories Phil wanted to tell him. In the span of three years, they’ve completely fulfilled their childhood lives as carefree and energetic kids and created more experiences than Phil could make throughout his years in high school. He doesn’t even know where to begin.

But then an easier alternative came to him like a surge of electricity, giving him a sudden burst of energy. He bounced excitedly on his seat and exclaimed, “Oh, oh! I have an idea!”

“Stop! You’re making my head hurt,” Dan protested, averting his eyes away from Phil’s shaky video. “What are you thinking of?”

“You know how people say ‘experience is the best teacher’?”

“Yeah?”

“Well, why don’t we repeat most of the things we’ve done before and hopefully that’ll help you jog your memory?” It might be a bit challenging for Phil to set up everything he’s thought of, but he’s hoping that it will be worth it.

“Oh, that’s a great idea!” Dan mused.

They began brainstorming about when and where will they start it up. Dan suggested that they start up on Saturday and meet up at Phil’s mother’s house. Dan thought that it would be easier for him to ask his mother for money to buy a train ticket if she knew where he was going. And then Phil’s mother would be perfectly fine with them running around in the house. She probably even thought about it before they did.

Of course, Phil had to prepare materials and such to make the scenario seem more realistic, but he was really excited that he was willing to go to the store as soon as possible to get what he needed. He searched some of the toys and snacks they used before, to check if any of them were still in the market.

“Do I have to bring anything? I don’t want you doing all the work, you know,” Dan mumbled, typing up instructions, Phil’s address, and setting up an alarm on his phone.

“Well there’s only one thing,” Phil said. Dan looked up and raised his eyebrow. “Your imagination.”

* * *

“I’m so happy you guys are doing this!” Phil’s mother said as she handed Phil five folded duvets.

Just as expected, Phil’s mother was more than happy to accommodate them every weekend to execute their plan. She also helped Phil look through the basement to find anything they could’ve used before, like toys or books or something. She even helped him set up the fort, despite his insisting that he can do it by himself.

“So when is Dan coming over?”

“Hopefully tomorrow if his mother allows him to,” Phil answered, draping the duvets over the chairs arranged beside him. He’s following the picture of their old fort that his mother saw in one of their photo albums. Of course he had to make it a little bigger since both of them were six feet tall now.

“I’m sure Linda will be ecstatic,” she gushed. “Do you want me to call her to guarantee a yes?”

Phil rolled his eyes. “Mum, we’re not in primary school any--”

“Hey Linda, how are you?” Somehow, she whipped her phone out of midair and had Dan’s mum on speed dial. Phil dropped the duvets he was holding to snatch the phone from her, but her reflexes were surprisingly faster than his. She battled his hands as she chatted casually with Linda about their day today.

“Oh yeah, I heard Phil invited Dan to come over here to have a little play date,” she winked knowingly at Phil and he groaned, falling face first on his bed and covering his ears.

“Oh, you said yes? That’s great! I promise I’d take care of Dan while he’s here, and I’m sure Phil will too,” she ripped one of Phil’s hands away from his ears and asked, “Right, Phil?”

He forcefully gave her a thumbs up.

“He says yes… Okay… Yes of course… I can’t wait! Say hi to Dan for me… Bye!” She ended the phone call and reached for Phil to ruffle his hair. “Get up, lazy pants. We have a fort to build.”

* * *

Phil led Dan steadily towards his room while Dan was blindfolded, making sure that he didn’t trip on any of his mother’s antique vases. He never understood the culture of people her age owning so many vases. They weren’t even holding anything, they just accumulate dust and possibly accommodate insects in it as well.

“What are you showing me, exactly?” Dan asked uneasily. He clung on to Phil’s forearm as he made a turn going into the room. Phil stopped him and walked to his front.

“You’ll see. I’m going to take the blindfold off now.”

“God, I wish. Would you hurry up?” Dan insisted as Phil rolled his eyes before taking it off. It took him twelve minutes to convince him to wear it, and looking back, it was really a bad idea to ask your friend if they want to go to your room blindfolded.

Phil started looping his hands around the piece of red cloth as he watched Dan’s reaction to what he’s done to the room. He borrowed a few ropes and sticks, carried three chairs from the dining room, and borrowed lots of blankets from his mother and created this masterpiece.

It was safe to say that the fort looked like something his nine year old body could manage, although it came up with a few upgrades like fairy lights and better gaming consoles to keep up with the times.

Dan smirked and asked, “What is this supposed to be?” He took one of the teddy bears by the edge of the fort, the one dressed up as a pirate. They used to call “Captain Paw,” which was written on a piece of paper tied on a string like an ID hanging on his neck.

Phil reached for the toy, holding it by its back and left paw. He faced it to Dan and brought its paw towards its forehead. In a high pitched voice, he said, “Captain Paw reporting for duty, Danisnotonfire.”

Dan smiled and gave his own salute.

Phil spreaded his arms before him and replied, “Tidbit from the past! This is Phantasy Land.” He pulled off a thin piece of cloth above him where all the string were tied together to reveal a cardboard sign that read “Phantasy Land” in crud handwriting.

Dan recognized the name, Phil mentioned it in tube station when he tried to convince him that they’ve met before. “ _Phan_ tasy land?” He crossed his arms and raised his eyebrows.

“Phil plus Dan is equals Phan! It was a brilliant idea for a seven year old.” He crawled into the fort and sat on the left. “We were gonna call it ‘The Amazing Fort is not on Fire’, but your handwriting was too big that it didn’t fit the cardboard.”

“Typical me,” Dan admitted.

Phil pointed towards the sign and elaborated, “You used to be in charge of the sign. And back then, a five year old could write better than you.”

Dan sighed and crawled into the fort too. He plopped down on the green bean bag that was set up for him and took the stuffed bear from Phil, hugging it close to his chest. “Handwriting was never my strong suit to be honest.”

“And I’ve been a strong witness of that,” he muttered.

Phil pointed at Captain Paw and added, “Captain Paw guards the fort all the time for any monsters or intruders, which is basically Martyn.”

Dan snickered, held the bear’s paw and shook it gently. “Thanks for protecting our fort.”

Phil replied with a squeaky voice, “You’re welcome.”

“In this fort, we’d talk about our day,” Phil took a flashlight and lit it under his chin, “you told ghost stories,” he reached for something behind him, his Muse albums, “and we listened to music.”

Dan gasped and grabbed them from Phil’s hands. He read all of them one by one and hugged them close to his chest.

“I had second thoughts about whether or not should I bring those, because you might ignore me the entire day,” he smirked.

Dan pursed his lips. “I actually might. You aren’t exactly much use to me anymore.”

“I’m hurt.” Phil pouted, placing his hand on his chest and Dan laughed. He took his old CD player and picked one of the albums Dan already saw, _Showbiz._ He popped it in and got his earbuds. He played the music and put one of them into his ear and stuck the other one into Dan’s.

 _Muscle Museum_ started playing. Dan smiled and tapped his foot to the beat of the song and hummed. Phil gestured to the fort around them and said in his normal voice, “Does it remind you of anything?”

Dan settled the albums on his lap and sighed. He looked around him and tried his best to concentrate, with the music helping him, but not even the vibrant tones of blue and green, or the bowls of snacks laid in front of them, or the hopeful smile of his friend beside him could pull out even a thread from the past. Dan shook his head and lowered it in shame.

Phil kept his optimism and grabbed the bowl of caramel popcorn by his feet and offered it to Dan, grabbing a handful for his own. “It’s alright, I have a ton of things to show you. I’m sure they’re gonna work.”

“Yeah, probably,” he replied, taking two pieces and popping them into his mouth. Then they sat in silence, enjoying the music and the company of the other.

Phil remembered how they used to lay down on the floor while listening to the music. At the time, their stretched bodies would still fit inside the fort, but they’ve grown so much since then, they’d probably just fit their torsos in. They’d sometimes raise their arms and sway them from side to side, as if they were in a concert.

When the final song of the album finished, Phil jumped and leaned on Dan’s lap to get something beside him. He realized Phil was only trying to get two controllers and handed the other one to him. “This isn’t really part of the fort. I just added it because it’s 2016 and I have a new game from Martyn!”

He walked up to his bed to grab his backpack and took out a Mario Kart game, holding it up for Dan to see. He saw the glint in his eyes, so he excitedly headed for the television in front of them, took out the game from the case, and inserted it into the Xbox. He bounced back to his position in the fort.

“Not to brag or anything, but I will kick your ass,” Dan taunted, pointing the game console threateningly at Phil.

“Famous last words, Howell.” He grinned, sticking his tongue out of his teeth before driving all his attention to the screen in front of them.

* * *

Skype calls and messages with Phil have been frequent in Dan’s schedule. During lunch breaks, classes with a substitute teacher, and basically any moment where Dan needed someone to entertain him. Sure, Chris was usually the frontman in those situations, but they only shared one class together this year, so they couldn’t talk as much as they used to. Phil was somehow more accessible, despite being three hundred kilometers away.

He wondered why most of his friends were from London. Phil, Louise, PJ and Sophie were some of his closest friends who lived in London. In fact, they were much closer to him than his friends in school.

He met Louise, PJ and Sophie on Tumblr. Upon realizing they literally lived in the same country, they swapped numbers and formed a group chat called “The Fantastic Foursome.” Since all of them were too lazy to even leave the house, it took them two years to actually meet up in person; the decided meetup location being the London eye.

It was also the time PJ and Sophie got bonded. They were usually the ones that bickered and had heated debates in the group chat, so it was almost impossible to think of. But when it happened, it was almost like it was obvious from the start. And almost a year later, their friendship and relationship still stayed the same.

The three of them have met Phil, too. Louise didn’t exactly meet him in his best light, but once she realized he wasn’t a stalker, she started to warm up to him. PJ and sophie liked him as soon as they were introduced to him, so he didn’t really find that difficult.

“Did you miss me already, honey?” Dan asked sarcastically, shutting his bedroom door behind him. He just got home from school about three minutes ago, and as soon as he got connected to the WiFi, Phil started calling. He didn’t even get time to change, yet.

Phil winked and replied, “Maybe.” He appeared to be inclined in some sort of office chair, but it didn’t seem like Phil’s flat at all.

Dan squinted, set his phone on his pillow and asked, “Wait, where are you?”

Phil’s finger went close to the screen to switch cameras, panning the camera left and right to show the view in front of him. Dan saw bunch of bookshelves before him and a man held a stack of books, browsing what seemed to be cookbooks. There were empty tables towards the left along the windows.

Dan guessed Phil’s at _Shelf Esteem_ ; the bookstore that would always be dead silent no matter what time of the day. Phil would tell stories about the customers that would come in everyday, not that there were plenty of them. Phil compared Dan to hipsters who would usually visit to take pictures of the dusty old books and leave without buying anything. Dan wasn’t denying he would do the same thing.

He brought the tiny mic on his earbuds closer to his lips and whispered, “If that guy bought all those books he’s holding, that would be the most sales we’ve had this entire month.”

Dan let out a low whistle. If he had to work at that bookstore, he’d scratch his eyes out and never return. Despite Dan’s expertise in procrastination, too much of _not_ doing anything did stress him out too. He needed a job that wasn’t very stressful but at the same time challenging, if that even existed.

That’s why he wanted to be a lawyer, for now at least. He found it fascinating to go in court and defend someone and prove something right for once. As much as it did required a lot of paperwork and research, he’d probably get to indulge himself with some times off whenever he wants, right?

“So did you call me because you wanted to show me bookie guy?” Dan muttered. Ever since their first Skype call, Phil started calling him at random times of the day just to show something that excited him. Maybe a cactus he saw in the neighbor's’ window sill or street performers doing a magic trick. Their video calls usually lasted for just five minutes.

Dan enjoyed seeing small snippets of Phil’s regular life even when he wasn’t showing anything about his childhood. It reminded him that they were in the present, that Phil was more than just his childhood best friend, and that Phil was actually interested in being his friend and he wasn’t just clinging onto someone Dan isn’t anymore.

“It’s not that,” Phil switched the camera back to the once facing himself, waving to make sure Dan saw him. “I saw two people get bonded today.”

Dan raised his eyebrows. “Really? How did it go?”

“Well, I was on the way here, and I was getting out the tube station behind this really fancy guy, suits and all. It was really crowded as usual. Then he bumps into this other guy who was going the opposite direction.”

“Apparently it really stings. I don’t know, Martyn said it was ticklish. Anyway, the bloke in front of me jumped and both of us almost fell over because of their contact, so when he rolled up his sleeves he saw the flowers.”

Dan noted that Phil seemed to be really mesmerized as he talked about how the entire bonding played out. He stopped paying attention when Phil talked about the flowers on their forearms or the look on their faces when they realized what was going on. Dan was more amused on Phil’s hopefulness as he described the entire thing.

“I really wish I get to meet mine soon,” Phil confessed, dropping his phone on the desk and resting his chin on his other arm.

Dan shrugged, hugging the pillow beside him. “I don’t really want to meet mine at all.”

In fact, it was one of Dan’s greatest fears. Someone was predestined for him to find, someone that was created perfectly and entirely just for you, and it made Dan very sick. It was a ridiculous thought that someone out there really needed someone like Dan. There obviously wasn’t.

Maybe something went wrong after the accident when he was nine and he became the exact opposite of the ideal soulmate. He’d be eighteen soon, the age in which the body becomes capable of bonding, and he was terrified of having that cross to bear. A nagging voice in his head told him that he won’t be worth it for his soulmate. When his soulmate realizes who he is, they will realize that he’s messed up and leave him.

He’s heard of stories like that. People who are unhappy with their own soulmate will go and look for someone else. Although they clearly bore the favorite flower of their soulmate somewhere in their body, it didn’t stop them from leaving them behind. It was immoral, sure, but why would someone waste their time on someone they weren’t happy with?

It made him question if soulmates were actually 100% accurate, despite being taught that they were since he was younger.

“Why not?” Phil asked skeptically.

Dan was hesitant at first, but he explained his reasons. He was thankful Phil didn’t interrupt him to tell him he was wrong.

“Sorry if I’m pretty much destroying your dreams,” Dan joked lightly. In stressful situations, he’s usually the one to make awkward jokes that would either make the situation better or much worse.

But Phil took it positively. “It’s alright,” he reassured, “I guess I was just told my entire life that it is one of the best things that’d ever happen to you, and I guess my expectations were just as high.”

“Same for me. But I guess depends on how you take it in, you know?”

Before Phil could say anything, he looked up as someone began talking. Phil nodded a few times, looked down at the camera and mouthed, _Be right back,_ and the call ended.

Dan sighed. He only realized how quiet the house was once he finished talking to Phil. When he talked to Phil, it was like he was right beside Phil, sharing his everyday adventures. And Phil considered even the tiniest event an adventure. His energy made anything seem more exciting than it was, even a simple story about bonding.

Everyone had different opinions on finding their soulmates: some felt as if it was their main purpose in life, some just didn’t bother with the search and accepted it when it happens, and some just ignore it completely. Dan wanted to say he was the third, but the idea has been forced down his throat his entire life that it was difficult to forget.

Phil was the first person he’s ever talked to about his thoughts on finding his soulmate. Most of his family has been quite enthusiastic about it, so Dan was scared of saying anything different. He was a bit hesitant when Phil was just as interested, but fortunately, he wasn’t just as passionate.

Dan slumped back on his bed and sighed, staring at the ceiling. He lifted his finger to trace the dots of uneven paint. He imagined they were stars in his own home, and the patterns were constellations. He’s considered putting actual glow in the dark stickers to make them seem more visible, but he was too lazy.

Usually he’d find Gemini, his zodiac, amongst the dots to keep him sane. It comforted him whenever he felt worked up about school, his friends, and even his soulmate, whoever they might be. Recently, however, it was Aquarius that gave him inspiration: Phil’s zodiac.

He smiled to himself and stood up, finally changing his clothes to a regular plain red shirt and sweatpants. He grabbed his phone, checking if Phil decided to call again; he didn’t. Dan grabbed his earbuds from his backpack and popped them into his ears, he decided to play music.

The familiar intro started playing. He tapped his fingers on the air, as if playing the keys on a piano. He checked the windows around him to see if they were closed and started singing.

_Far away, this ship is taking me far away. Far away from the memories, of the people who care if I live or die._

He closed his eyes and slumped back on his bed, soaking in the lyrics as if it was the first time he’s ever listened to them. He usually listened to _Starlight_ when he was in a point in his life where he’s genuinely happy. It was the song that helped him realize he was _going somewhere._

And this case, he was happy he met Phil. He didn’t care whether he meant meeting him before or now, he was just happy Phil existed in his life one way or another. He was happy he met someone who was just like him, but at the same time quite the opposite. They were like strong magnets, only they were even more inseparable.

They’ve created a strong bond in a matter of months, it makes him wonder if they have something more than just friendship. Sure, Dan has always been one who jumped into conclusions when someone not related to him showed the slightest bit of affection. He’d think about Phil opening the door for him for two days straight, trying to decode if it meant something deeper than just saving time.

Dan might be falling for Phil. It sounded very cliche when he officially thought about it, but it might actually be true.

However he tried his best to shove it at the back of his head because being with him would only make Phil’s life a living hell. He’d have to put up with his existential crises; just like this one, episodes where he’d just snap no matter what people do around him, and basically do anything that’d make Phil think bad about himself, even if he didn’t do anything wrong.

He was content with just being friends while fantasizing an entire relationship with him rather than trying to make it a reality, while fucking up what they have in the process. Their friendship is probably one of the best things that ever happened to him.

And it was something he’ll never let go.

* * *

Much to Phil’s excitement, Dan told him that he’s having a four day weekend because of some teacher development seminar. Not that they get any better at teaching. Phil told Dan that he would arrange a schedule to maximize Dan’s weekend and sent it to him in no less than four hours.

Conveniently, it was Dan’s birthday on that Sunday. But even without it, Dan was planning to call in sick on the Monday after his birthday so he could spend more time _not_ doing school work.

Friday, being the first day of his weekend, was allotted for a treasure hunt Phil has planned for him. Dan did mention before that he enjoyed mazes and puzzles, even proving it by playing “The Room” against Phil while in Phantasy Land last week. Dan finished a level in less than thirty minutes. The same task took Phil half a season of _Haikyuu!!._

Dan was told that he needed to wear something comfortable for him to walk around the neighborhood, and he was already tired just thinking about it. His mother dropped him off in front of Phil’s mother’s house before she left to meet with her own old friend in a coffee shop near by.

He gently knocked the door three times, bouncing on his feet as he waited for someone to open it. He was greeted by Phil’s mom, who was wearing an apron and oven mitts. She didn’t seem surprised at all to see him.

“Hello, Dan! You came in early,” she mused, taking off her oven mitts and shoving them into the big pocket in the center of her apron. “Anyway, Phil instructed me _not_ to let you in, but I do have this envelope here.” She handed Dan a blue envelope with stickers of assorted toys that she took from the back of her pocket. It read ‘Clue One’.

Dan smiled meekly. “Thanks, Mrs. Lester.”

Her eyes grew wide in realization. “You should just leave your stuff here,”  she gestured to his big backpack. He’s planned to stay in Manchester for a day and another two days in London before going back to Berkshire, so he did need a lot of stuff.

Following Phil’s request not to let Dan in the house, his mother took the bag for him and carried it effortlessly to the living room and chucked it onto the loveseat.

After saying goodbye, Dan left the front porch while ripping the envelope open. He cursed himself for wearing all black since it was starting to take effect and absorb all the heat.

As much as he wanted to keep his dark and mysterious aesthetic, it might result in a heat stroke. All the clothes he brought were dark, and he was so far away from _Berkshire_ that he couldn’t make a quick change and resume with his quest.

 

_Congratulations! You found your first clue! (well I told u where to find it so this doesn’t count) Prepare to be sucked back into the past and see some of the highlights of your childhood. (Not really everything)_

_Tidbit from the past!_  

_You have a bestfriend that you love so dear_

_You’ve been together before you came here_

_Compared to me, he has a better score_

_You can find him at your local toy store_

_The people in blue are very friendly_

_Go ask for a guy who’s name is Barry_

 

Dan huffed and crossed his arms. He’s been gone for nine years. How should he know where the local toy store is? He flipped over the paper to find any other clue and noticed a small logo in the bottom left corner. It was a teddy bear wearing a top hat.

He took a picture of it and ran it through Google Images. It was indeed a toy store named _Bear Necessities._ He searched it in Google Maps--Google was practically his life line--and went on his way. It was a dreadful 20 minute walk under the sun, with only his denim hat as protection from the sun.

Walking to his first destination helped Dan appreciate Manchester more. He usually travelled in his mother’s car or in a bus, the entire town passing by him like a fleeting blur. At this moment, he got to appreciate how unique every single house was, notice individual leaves in every tree. It was like he was finally touching back on his roots. The only downside was that he had to suffer the unbearable sun. He’s gone through five songs in _Origin of Symmetry_ before he reached the toy store.

The toy store took up half the block. There were lots of people coming in and out, mostly with a child jumping around with at least a small toy in their hands closely trailing them. He felt out of place when entering the establishment; he was too young to have a kid with him and too old to be considered the kid. Being a teen was like being stuck in an age group limbo.

He took a deep breath before approaching one of the employees wearing a navy blue shirt with the logo on the right side of their chest. Phil didn’t even consider the fact that he was terrible at approaching people. But Dan figured that if he didn’t do anything, Phil could be waiting somewhere for nothing.

“Hello! How may I help you?” she asked in a chipper voice. He winced, taking out one of his ear buds.

“Hi, I’m looking for Barry?” he asked hesitantly.

The employee, whose nametag read _Denise,_ raised her eyebrows. She craned her neck to find him in the mob of people and screaming kids, and said, “He’s right there by the stuffed toys.” He smiled and thanked her, making his way through other customers and finally reaching a ginger guy with the nametag _Barry._

“Are you Barry?” Dan asked dumbly. He mentally slapped himself; he has a name tag for a reason.

He was kind enough to ignore his mistake. “That depends, are you Dan Howell?”

“Yeah?”

It was good enough for Barry. He reached for a blue paper bag and handed it to him.

“Tidbit from the past!” Dan jumped, too preoccupied from appreciating the presentation of the gift. Barry leaned in and whispered, “This is the part where you open the bag.”

So he did. He pulled out a chestnut brown stuffed bear wearing a black shirt with an eclipse in the center. There was a light grey envelope with stickers of question marks in the crepe paper but he ignored it for now.

“When Phil first met you, he saw you were holding a brown stuffed toy, just like that one. Umm…” he looked down at his palm and added, “‘Apparently he was your best friend, James, named after yourself.” His tone was becoming almost robotic. Dan figured he just got the time to memorize the first sentence. “‘You never let him get out of your sight. You said James only trusted you and Captain Paw because he didn’t like Phil’s ginger hair.’ Wow, I’m offended.” Barry chuckled. Dan smiled sympathetically.

“Do you remember any of this?” he asked.

Dan shook his head. “Not one thing. I still have the stuffed toy though.” It’s definitely somewhere in his mother’s basement, but he had no idea where it is. Probably decomposed or something. At least he has a newer version and it held some sentimental value.

The employee shrugged. “That’s all Phil told me, so I guess you just have to read the next clue?”

“I guess so.” He didn’t know what to say next.

He thought for a moment before saying, “I have a question though, is it your birthday or something?”

Dan furrowed his eyebrows, returning the bear into the paper bag. “Not until Sunday. Why?”

“Oh, happy birthday,” he patted his arm awkwardly. Dan flinched at the unexpected contact and he must’ve catched it so he retracted his hand immediately. He cleared his throat and said, “Anyway, it’s just that--I don’t know-- it’s really cute how Phil set this all up for you to remember your childhood! For a second I thought it was your anniversary or something--”

“Oh, we’re not together,” Dan interrupted, holding his hand up to stop him.

“Really? Sorry ‘bout that,” he mumbled. “Phil was a friend of mine in high school and you know him. All sappy and stuff when romance is involved. At least, back then he was.”

Dan scrunched his nose. “Still is.” They shared a laugh.

“Well, I shouldn’t keep you back with your treasure hunt. Off you go!” Dan followed his advice, heading out after saying thank you and goodbye, and made his way to a shaded bus stop to sit down.

He took out the envelope with 'Clue Two’ written amongst the question marks. He unfolded the paper and read:

 

_Congratulations! You didn’t chicken out and solved the first clue. Wasn’t that cool? Have you met Barry? He’s pretty fun guy, I’m sure you guys would get along (he likes Kanye too)_

 

Dan considered coming back and get his number; he wanted to have a formal conversation with him.

 

_Tidbit from the past!_

_Here is a problem I hate to address_

_Your beloved bear has entered a mess_

_Turn your back from the toy store and face right_

_Find the twenty second lamp post in sight_

 

Dan hoped the clue was still there, it was too risky for Phil to put a clue out in the open. Dan got up and went back to the store. He stood in front facing the street and looked at the trail of lamp posts to his right. He began counting them as he walked past them. He almost bumped into a woman who was also not paying attention to what was in front of her, but he dodged her successfully.

When he reached the 22nd lamppost from the toy store, he found a flyer taped to it just above eye level. It read: _Have you seen James?_ with a picture of his stuffed toy in the center. He took it down and flipped it over.

 

_Tidbit from the past:_

_Oh no! James went missing! We’ve put posters like these all over town just to find him. You even interrogated Captain Paw and I (you were really mean to me!) until you got a lead. You were really dramatic, weren’t you?_

 

Even if Dan vaguely remembered his childhood, he was pretty certain he _was_ a dramatic kid. He definitely carried on the trait even after the car crash.

 

_Welcome to Clue Three!_

_You have searched far and wide for James, your friend_

_Quaking the whole world to reach every end_

_You found him with someone so distasteful_

_You hate to admit that you are thankful_

_You have more things in common than you think_

_Your minds are alike, as if they’re in sync_

_His name’s Tyler, and you both cause trouble_

_House number 204, street of Hubble_

 

He tried to juggle the name _Tyler_ in his head for a moment. He got nothing. Dan figured he was a friend he’d usually get in trouble with, probably come up with crazy antics and pull a bunch of pranks with random people. Phil probably acted as their referee, to stop them from getting caught. Dan liked to imagine he was a funny person as a kid, since he barely did anything worthwhile when he was in high school.

He’s starting to get intrigued about this Tyler person. Is he still the same as before? is he now respectable, wearing suits and taking business calls? So much has happened in nine years, Dan even lost his memories and started over within those years, Tyler might be a completely different person than Phil thinks.

He folded the paper and tucked it into his jean pocket and looked for ‘Hubble’ street in Google maps. Thankfully, it was just 3 blocks away. He fixed his hat on his head and started to follow the blue dots on his map, swinging the paper bag on his hand and skipping steps. Dan looked for the house number 204, which happened to be two houses down the left.

Dan noted how organized and beautiful the front garden was. He stood by the front porch and rang the doorbell, tapping his toe while waiting for someone to respond.

He assumed Tyler was the one who opened the door. He’s about his age, wore glasses, and dyed his hair green. Their clothing were stark contrasts since Tyler wore a white shirt and light shorts that reached his knees.

“Oh my god, is that you, Dan?” he marvelled, bringing his hand to his mouth. He had a thick American accent.

“Yeah?”

Tyler gasped. “I can’t believe it! I’ve missed you so much,” he said, pulling him for a bone crushing hug. Dan hugged him back awkwardly, chuckling nervously.

“Yeah, it’s been awhile, huh?”

Tyler waved his hand and beckoned him to come inside. “Don’t sweat it, Dan. Phil told me what happened. I don’t expect much from you.” Dan didn’t know if he should be happy or offended.

“He’s just doing this to remind me about the past. Sorry if he had to bother you,” he said as he walked in Tyler’s living room and sat on a red couch. An old woman, who slightly resembled Tyler, waved at him before going up the flight of stairs. Dan was relieved; it was less people to socialize with.

“Anything for my good friend,” he grinned, sitting on the arm chair next to him and crossing his legs.

They began catching up. Apparently Tyler has been making videos on Youtube on his spare time and is getting a decent amount of subscribers. Dan made a mental note to look him up later.

Dan tried to make his life at least mildly interesting, adding being Romeo in the school play to the conversation. He didn’t include the fact that he tripped and destroyed a prop in the final rehearsal.

The longer he talked to Tyler, the more he understood how he became friends with him in the first place. They had the same (rude) sense of humor and equal respect for sarcasm. It even made him think the reason why he’s friends with Phil in the first place. Tyler and Dan laughed at disturbing jokes and had the same opinions about ridiculous topics.

He was really enjoying Tyler’s company until panic surged through Dan when he realized they’ve been talking for about half an hour. He stood abruptly and Tyler joined him, confused about what’s going on.

“Phil!” he exclaimed. “I totally forgot! He can be waiting anywhere.”

Tyler’s eyes grew wide and laughed nervously. “Okay, erm,” he took his phone out and said, “I’ll text him that you haven’t bailed out yet.” He reached for a red envelope with popcorn stickers on the coffee table and tossed it towards Dan. “Here's the clue you need.”

“Thank you,” he yelped as he tried to catch it. They swapped numbers to stay in touch before Dan continued his quest.

 

_Tidbit from the past!_

_Go to the place where popcorn’s a staple_

_Where carpets are the color of maple_

_It’s where animation and films are viewed_

_And the place where you can’t bring your own food_

 

Of course, Dan knew exactly what Phil was talking about.

The cinema was very packed. People were lined up by the ticketing booth to purchase the most popular movie. There were a group of teens grouped together discussing the movie _Now You See Me_. He has considered watching it with Phil but they decided to wait until the crowd thinned so it would be much easier for them to purchase tickets, but it meant avoiding spoilers as much as possible.

Dan made his way towards the dark hallway. There were movie posters of films that were now showing and coming soon, both of which were labelled with a bright LED sign on top. Some of the popular movies also had their own cardboard cut outs and visuals.

Apparently he had put up a poster of his favorite movie somewhere. He wasn’t a 100% sure if Phil really knew him that well, but he figured it would be a random poster that would look out of place. Dan’s positive you’re not allowed to put up random posters on public spaces. Maybe Phil had to run a few favors to let him do it without being yelled at.

Dan was impressed. Phil picked the right movie.

Dan took the poster of _Shrek the Third_ off the glass, which originally showed a poster for _Central Intelligence._ People probably were skeptical about why a ten year old movie would be hanged up in the cinema, but too scared to get scolded to question about it. He noticed that right above Fiona’s head, there was a winking face drawn in sharpie. It was probably to show Dan that he was on the right direction. He flipped the poster over.

 

_Tidbit from the past!_

_I mean, not that this is news to you, but Shrek was your favorite movie series. You practically worshipped it as a kid and never saw any other movie that met its standards. And we used to watch it every. single. time. Of course, today you probably have a higher form of respect to it due to a deeper understanding of all the rude jokes in the movie (how the heck did they get away with those?)._

 

_Formula for Dan’s excuse to watch Shrek: Today is (insert holiday) so in order to commemorate (insert person/place/thing celebrated) we should watch Shrek._

 

Seems fair, Dan thought.

 

_Funny enough, Shrek the Third was the first movie we watched in an actual cinema! And back then that was like, watching a musical in West End. You wore your lucky Shrek shirt and (surprise) we watched the first two films right before we went to this cinema._

 

Dan looked around and imagined himself, about ten years ago, waiting to watch _Shrek the Third_ in this very building with his best friend. He was probably running around, barely able to contain his excitement.

Based on what Dan remembered, the first time he ever watched the three movies was when he was in year 8. He didn’t want to study for the midterms that time so he took the CD’s from his mother’s shelf and watched all of them until 5 AM. And just like what Phil said, no other movie met his standards.

It amused him that he had the same personality and likes pre-era and post-accident (he considered them two different eras). Having to come back to the same favorite movie despite having a clean slate meant he was still connected to who he was before somehow. All these choices in the world, and he still landed with Shrek. It proved he was a meme loving fuck since birth.

There was a little teal envelope in the size of his palm with small confetti stickers stuck on the bottom left corner of the poster. He lifted the little tab and took out a small piece of paper. He rolled the poster and tucked it under his arm and unfolded the piece of paper.

 

_I know you’re hungry and I know you’re tired_

_With this heat your head is probably fried_

_Here’s a little treat I’m offering you_

_Tell your name’s Daniel Howell, that’s the cue_

_Baskin Robbin’s is the next way to go_

_Hurry before it melts since you’re too slow_

 

Dan entered in the address for the nearest _Baskin Robbin’s_ in google maps and went on his way. Phil was generous enough to buy him some ice cream. Dan tried his best to hide his smile since people walking past him might think he’s gone insane. It was a small gesture but it meant a lot for Dan because Phil actually considered how he’s feeling right now.

Phil gave a lot of effort to pull this entire treasure hunt off and Dan was enjoying every second of it. Not only because he enjoyed treasure hunts in general, but because it had a purpose. It meant reaching back to his past and connecting pieces of who he was. It meant restoring a big chunk of information from his life and feeling somewhat complete again. And Dan can’t be any more grateful that Phil was trying to make that happen.

“I’m here to get something for Daniel Howell?” he asked as he entered the store and approached the cashier.

She gave him a thumbs up and took out a big waffle cone. She went behind the glass case that showed assorted ice cream flavors and began scooping out chocolate ice cream with cookie dough. Phil must’ve picked it beforehand, and definitely chose the right one. She topped it with some star sprinkles and handed it to him. 

“Do I have to pay for it?”

She shook her head. “Nah, it’s already paid for. Phil bought it.”

Dan nibbled on the ice cream to tasted the sprinkles and licked his lips. “Ah, he’s my friend.”

“He’s my friend too, but he never bought me ice cream. Special friend, perhaps?,” she smirked when Dan scowled at her. “I’m Cat, by the way.”

“Dan, but I’m sure you’ve realized,” he said cockily.

She raised her eyebrows. “I’m just messing with you. I’m just not used to Phil doing these grand gestures. He’s a really quiet guy.”

Dan wondered if he was actually special to Phil in a way. Dan has been told twice already that this was a new thing for Phil, that maybe he didn’t normally do this for his friends. But maybe it was just because it is his birthday in two days. Dan didn’t want to blow up anything as small as a kind gesture.

“While you’re too busy eating your ice cream, read your clue,” Cat took a green envelope with stickers of leaves tucked beside the cash register and handed it to him.

“Thanks,” he managed to say while chewing a particularly large chunk of cookie dough.

Dan sat on a stool by the window and tried to open the envelope with one hand. He held it in place with his elbow and took the clue out with his unoccupied hand.

 

_Congratulations, your quest is complete!_

_You’re probably at the edge of your seat_

_Wondering where the next location is_

_Don’t worry, I will not make it a quiz_

_It’s the Grand Lodge Entrance in Heaton Park_

_Please hurry up before the sky gets dark_

 

Dan sighed in relief. As much as he loved running around solving clues and such, he was starting to get exhausted. He turned back to face Cat and waved her goodbye and trudged to the park. He knew where it was so he didn’t have to navigate using his phone.

It was probably the longest walk he had out of the rest of the walks he did throughout the entire treasure hunt. It’s probably because he programmed his head to think that he’s almost done. He felt like each block took ages for him to cross and like the heat was starting to crush his body down the sidewalk. The ice cream only helped him cool down for a few minutes before he resumed suffering.

When he saw the patch of green in the horizon, he knew he was getting close. He brisk walked, which was considered sprinting in his vocabulary, closer to the big column that served as an entrance to the park. He saw a smudge of purple leaning under the column waving its arm around.

“Congratulations!” he yelled. Dan jogged towards him and spread his hands out triumphantly, waving his rolled up Shrek poster around. “You made it! Now it’s time to go home because you took forever.”

Dan whacked him with the rolled up poster and huffed. “It’s really hard to keep up with the whole thing, you know.”

“That’s what made it extra special! Was it fun, though?” Phil asked, suddenly turning worried.

He grinned and shook his head. “If the weather was any better, I would’ve wished it could be longer.”

Phil held up his finger and took something out of his jean pocket, his phone and earbuds. “Well, here’s the good news.” He tried to untangle them with difficulty. Dan suggested to plug it off his phone and he managed to get them straightened out. “There’s a final final part of this treasure hunt.”

He led Dan inside the park and sat on the grass under the shade of a tree. Dan breathed easier after getting away from the sun rays and the breeze relaxing him. He watched as Phil went through his iTunes to find a particular song to listen to.

“Tidbit from the past,” he mumbled, still scrolling through his list. He slightly nodded before looking up and saying, “Whenever I feel sad, you’d try to help me with music.”

“Well, music does convey the truth without the boring side of it,” Dan said.

It was the thought that kept Dan going in life. He kept a lot of playlists varying to fit different moods and tell him different messages. He’d update them from time to time when he started to like new artists, but always kept Muse; he’ll never grow tired of them. They always had a song that fitted any given situation so getting rid of them would be like abandoning your own child.

“Your point exactly. This is actually a trick I’ve learned,” he scooted closer to him and plugged his earbuds into Dan’s ears, hitting play on his phone, “To help the song sink in.” He instructed Dan to close his eyes and he felt Phil’s hands cover his ears. He was too familiar with the song to know exactly what it is with only the first note.

_When darkness falls and surrounds you._

Dan opened one eye and looked at Phil, who only squinted at him, hinting him to close his eyes again.

_When you fall down, when you’re scared, and you’re lost, be brave._

Dan felt Phil’s thumbs rubbing his temples. He tipped his head to the side to enjoy it better and smiled softly. He wondered how and where he learned this technique since it was _very_ effective. He felt him surroundings vanish and only have the song and Phil exist around him.

_Follow me, you can follow me and I will not desert you now_

He rested his hands on his knees and hummed the song, feeling Phil join along. It was probably the longest four minutes of his life, but it was a good kind of long. The song was just very comforting because it felt like _Phil_ was singing the song for him. He was too engrossed to realize it was over.

“So, what do you feel?” Phil questioned, taking the earbuds off and wrapping them around his hand.

Dan smiled and didn’t answer his question, instead saying, “Thank you.”


	3. Played again and again and again

“Ok, so here is one of the coolest ideas we’ve ever had,” Phil proclaimed, spreading his hands on the table to add dramatic effect.

They’ll take a train ride back to London so that Dan can see Phil’s flat and possibly have a tour around the city. They had no time to waste since tomorrow was Dan’s birthday, and the next day, Dan rests and contemplates about how he has wasted 18 years of his life here on earth.

“You always say that,” Dan muttered, resting his chin on his arms. He was preparing to sleep for the two hour ride since he usually got nauseous when staying in a moving vehicle for too long.

“Well this is in regards to cooking.”

Dan raised his head a bit and said, “We cooked? How did my mother allow me, an eight-year-old, to go near a ladle?”

Phil laughed softly, mirroring Dan’s position and replied, “We had adult supervision. And besides, we just baked those recipes that come out of a box.”

“Still though,” the teen in front of him argued, “I can’t even fry an egg!”

“Well then, eight-year-old you was much better at cooking. Titbit from the past: He invented,” Phil spread his hands above him, “brownie lasagna.” Dan gave Phil a look.

~

_Dan led Phil through the kitchen holding Captain Paw. Dan’s mother was doing her work close to them in case they accidentally set something on fire. Dan placed their bear plushie on a fruit bowl and took out two aprons from a drawer, handing the bigger one to Phil._

_“Since its Captain Paw’s birthday, we’re gonna make something very_ very _special for him,” Dan exclaimed. He sat on the counter and opened the cabinet above him, rummaging through boxes of ingredients. He found a box of uncooked lasagna and threw it at Phil._

_Phil almost caught it but it slipped his fingers since he wasn’t prepared. “We’re making lasagna,” Phil said flatly, picking up the box. He hoped for something more exciting._

_“Its perfect! Phil, it’s your turn to pick something from the cabinet.”_

_Phil complied, standing on his toes and blindly patting inside the cabinet. He grabbed the first thing he felt and showed it to Dan, it was a box of Betty Crocker brownie mix. His eyes lit up; it was his favorite pastry._

_“And our recipe is: Brownie Lasagna” Dan proclaimed, walking up to the fridge and arranging the letter magnets on it to spell out ‘brownie lasagna’._

_“Let’s get started,” Phil cheered, holding up both boxes on his hand and throwing them in the air._

~

After a little bit of storytelling, Dan dozed off, still tired of their treasure hunt from yesterday. Dan only woke up when he heard an announcement informing them that they were ten minutes away from King’s Cross. He was terrified for a second that he just rudely slept on Phil talking, but was relieved when he found Phil sleeping as well. He rubbed his eyes sleepily and yawned, stretching his arms in front of him. His fingers gently brushed against Phil’s soft hair.

He contemplated if he should wake Phil up. He looked very peaceful while asleep, and they didn’t really get enough sleep last night. He decided to give him five more minutes so they will have time to gather their bags before they go.

It was a risky move, sure, but Dan brought his hand on Phil’s head and gently stroked his hair. His jet black hair slid effortlessly between his fingertips; it was oddly comforting. Phil told him once that he used to be ginger, but Dan couldn’t even imagine him without the dark hair he’d always long for.

Phil’s eyebrows furrowed together and Dan quickly withdrew his hand. He hoped Phil didn’t get annoyed or anything.

Phil slowly opened his eyes and squinted at Dan. He watched him intently, to see if he’d scold him for touching his hair or waking him up, but he simply smiled. “Good morning.”

His smile was warm and radiant, it definitely brightened Dan’s entire day. It was one of Phil’s traits that Dan loved so much. He replied, “Good morning, sleepy head. We’re about seven minutes away. Get ready.”

* * *

They took a quick detour to go to Tesco and buy the ingredients they needed before going to Phil’s flat. Phil had every ingredient listed on a piece of paper tucked inside his phone case. Dan volunteered to find the ingredients while Phil pushed the cart. Sometimes, Dan was a little skeptical with the ingredients Phil has written, but he still followed the list.

Phil decided that they had to step up their baking skills. Instead of using premade brownie mix, he thought they should construct brownie lasagna completely from scratch. He considered it a challenge for both of them since they were much older now, and although Dan was very opposed to it because he hated the extra work, they still followed the plan.

Once they finished shopping, they took the underground back to Phil’s flat, carrying three eco bags of groceries each. Both struggled carrying their respective bags, especially Dan, since he was in charge of carrying the bag with the tray of eggs. Phil had to carry the heavy bags with milk and flour.

As they reached the front door, Dan plopped the grocery bags down dramatically, leaning against the wall beside him as Phil fumbled for his keys. Once they got inside, Phil gave Dan a little tour of his flat by asking him to stand in the center.

“If you look straight ahead, that is my bed. On your left is my kitchen and on your right is my closet. And right behind you, the door right beside the entrance, is the bathroom. End of tour.” Phil said. Dan thought Phil’s entire flat was probably smaller than his mother’s living room and kitchen combined; Phil argued that it kept him living for a year now.

“Wow,” Dan marvelled, walking around and picking up random articles of clothing scattered across the floor. Phil usually left for the train to Manchester as soon as he got off work so he never got the time to clean anything. Dan noticed a Muse shirt and held it up saying, “I have this exact shirt. It's probably cleaner, though.”

Phil shook his head, grabbing his laundry basket and chucking his clothes into it, planning on sorting them some other time. When he finished he took a foldable table behind his bed and unfolded in front of the kitchen area. “When you’re in college, laundry will be the last thing you worry about.”

Once they settled in and rested, they began setting up their work place. Phil took out bowls and measuring cups they’d be needing and began boiling water for the pasta. Dan looked for the list Phil sent him and set his phone on the table. Dan emptied out the bag of ingredients and laid them out on the table.

Once they were finished with their tasks, they went on both ends of the table and checked if they had everything they needed.

“Seems about right,” Phil muttered. He took his own phone and offered, “Anyone up for some music?” Phil opened his music app and put it on shuffle, the first song that came up was _New Born._

“Oh, I love that song!” Dan admitted, following along with the lyrics as if it was second nature. He always played it on the walk home from school when he was having an existential crisis, and it’s been doing good so far. At least, it helped him avoid throwing himself into the street.

Phil also sung along while tearing the packs of flour and sugar open. Dan microwaved the butter while they sung their hearts out. Dan voice faltered as he watched the way the corner of Phil’s eyes crinkled from his smile. He wanted to take a snapshot of this very moment to relive it forever.

After the final notes of the song, it was quiet for a few seconds before _Sugar We're Goin Down_ began playing, just in time as Phil started measuring two cups of brown sugar. Dan chuckled and sung the lyrics, leaning into Phil playfully in attempt to distract him. Phil tried pushing him away with his hip while pouring sugar into the measuring cup. It was quite unsuccessful since the sugar overflowed out of the cup and into the bowl with the already measured sugar.

“Dan!” Phil growled, scrunching his nose and transferring the sugar into one of his white bowls; he was back to square one.

Dan opened the tray of eggs and took four out, placing them on the dishcloth so they didn't roll off the table. He picked one up and cracked it on the side of the bowl. He’s done it a million times but he always ends up dropping in a few eggshells anyway, so he plucked them off the eggs with his fingers.

When Phil finished measuring the sugar, he smirked and snatched the other three eggs from the dishcloth.

“Hey!” Dan dropped the egg shells in the trash bin and cautiously reached for the eggs but Phil extended his arms out of Dan’s reach. Dan hated being shorter than him. He hoped he still had a final growth spurt before he reached twenty.

 _“Drop a heart,”_ Phil sung as he threw one egg at Dan, who screamed but catched it anyway. _“Break a name,”_ he hugged the two eggs as Dan placed the egg on the dishcloth.

 _“We're always sleeping in, sleeping for the wrong team,”_ Phil belted out and tossed the remaining two eggs.

“No, Phil!” Dan shrieked, catching both with his arm. One of them got caught between his arm and torso that it cracked on his jumper. Phil’s eyes grew wide and tried not to laugh, covering his mouth with both hands. Dan glared at him, daring him not to say a word, but Phil bursted into a fit of giggles.

Dan threw the shells of the egg he broke and smashed the other egg on Phil’s chest, spreading it on his jumper. He stopped laughing and gaped, as if to say _how dare you_. Phil scooped a handful of flour he’s measured earlier and threw it at Dan’s face.

As if Phil waged a war; both started smothering each other with whatever ingredient they could reach. Dan rubbed Phil’s face with cocoa powder as Phil tousled Dan’s hair with sugar on his hands. It was an implied rule that they did not use eggs again, but they did use anything else as ammo. Phil even went far enough to throw a few chocolate chips down Dan’s jumper. Dan tried to pinch Phil’s arm as revenge, but his hands were too slippery with the melted butter he rubbed on Phil’s face. They screamed in both terror and enjoyment the entire time.

“Stop it, Phil!” Dan squealed as Phil poked his sides to distract him from stuffing the cooked lasagna into Phil’s sleeve. He regretted telling Phil he’s ticklish and telling him right exactly where to tickle him.

“Well, you started it,” he protested, taking both of Dan’s wrist with his hands and pinning them together. Dan aggressively swung them back and forth to loosen Phil’s grip but he was too strong.

Lucky for him, Phil had told him his ticklish spot too. Dan lifted his knee to circle gently on his stomach; it was enough for Phil to let go of his wrists. Dan immediately grabbed the entire bowl of flour and dropped its contents on Phil’s head.

A thin cloud of powder surrounded them as they wrestled in attempt to stop the other. Dan was evidently more competitive than Phil and he wanted to finish their little battle as the winner. He could feel Phil thinking of surrendering, so he wasn't going to back down now.

Phil ruffled his hair caked with flour and rubbed his hands over Dan’s neck, another one of his ticklish spots. Dan laughed and tried to swat Phil’s hands away, but he was practically turning jelly at his touch.

Dan tried to back away but he nearly fell over the slippery wood floor. He gasped, gripping on Phil’s hands to keep him from completely falling over. His nails dug into the back of Phil’s hand and cursed repeatedly. Phil tried to steady him by holding him on his waist. It helped Dan regain his composure.

They stared at each other for a few seconds as they tried to catch their breath. Dan grinned, realizing how ridiculous they were, and so did Phil. He smiled so big that his tongue stuck out of his teeth and Dan found it very endearing.

He didn’t recognize _Starlight_ was playing the entire time, and when the song ended, it was replaced by _Can’t Take My Eyes Off of You._ Dan snorted as the familiar sound of the trumpet filled the air.

“Why do you have that?” he retorted.

Phil laughed and defended, “My mum sometimes downloads songs in my iTunes by accident. And I guess this is one of her jams.”

_You’re just too good to be true, can’t take my eyes off of you_

Dan paused and his eyes grew wide in recognition. With just one line, Dan felt like he was swept off his feet and sucked back into the past.

He remembered his own parents dancing to the song in the living room. It was a very vivid memory, but the song revived fragments from the past. He remembers the way his mother’s skirt swayed along the music, the voice of his father humming along to the tune, and even the smell of his cologne.

He closed his eyes. He didn’t want to see anything else in order to bring all his attention to the song, maybe it’ll help him recall anything else. He was even too afraid to move. He worried that the memory was too fragile, like a butterfly that will crush at his weight. Dan concentrated again, and like always, he got nothing else.

Phil must’ve noticed this as he asked, “Are you okay Dan?”

Dan bit his lip and opened his eyes, which felt a little misty. He faced Phil and said, “I know this song.”

Phil chuckled. “It is a famous song after all.”

“No,” he pressed. “I _know_ this song. I remember my parents dancing to it.” He _remembered_ something. For the past few years, his childhood was practically a blur that never happened. But now he had something tangible, something that definitely made sense. He was too overwhelmed with it that he was going to cry.

Phil grabbed his arms and said, “That’s amazing, Dan! This is really big progress.”

Dan choked back a sob before hugging Phil tightly. Phil wounded his arms around Dan as they swayed to the music.

_You’re just too good to be true, can’t take my eyes off of you_

Dan giggled. “They were like actual teenagers. When the song came up in the radio, they’d just drop anything and dance.” He rested his forehead on Phil’s chest and sighed.

Phil nuzzled his nose close to Dan’s ear and whispered, “Did they dance like this?”

Dan shook his head and leaned back to face Phil. “No, they did it like this.” He took Phil’s left hand with his right, guided his right hand on the small of his back, and wrapped his left arm around Phil’s neck. In an attempt to sway their hips gracefully, they ended up looking like they were jutting their hips in awkward directions and attempting to make some sort of pattern, mostly because Phil couldn’t seem to catch up.

Phil also added singing to the mix, as if he wasn’t already terrible with dancing alone.

 _“Pardon the way that I stare,”_ Phil sung in an exaggeratedly deep voice and stared directly at Dan’s eyes. Dan quirked his eyebrows up to challenge him to a staring contest.

Phil made funny faces to complement the intonation of the singing, and also in an attempt to distract him. Dan tried his best to keep a straight face, however,he wasn’t very successful. He laughed and finally gave in, joining Phil on his performance. They were probably loud enough for the neighbors to hear, but they didn’t care.

At the last few lines, they rocked back and forth, pausing at every word, and at the finale, Phil dipped him down and held him there. Dan scolded him to bring him back up, but he grinned and threatened to lower him to the floor completely by dipping him lower.

A loud beep was heard, signaling that the oven was fully preheated, and Phil finally brought him back up. He let go of Phil’s hand and Phil redrew his own hand from Dan’s waist, saying, “Okay, we have to finish this.”

“Right,” Dan murmured. “But first I have to get changed.” He ruffled his hair and it was as if snow fell around them. It also felt a little sticky because of the sugar. His sweat made it melt and he was scared it would get stuck in his hair.

“Well, how about we go for round two?” Phil complained.

Dan blushed, scolding himself for the innuendo that formed in his head, and replied sternly, “We won’t. We are responsible adults.” Dan thought it was a bit ironic given their current endeavor, but he decided not to bring that up.

Phil pouted and grumbled, “Yes, Dan.”

Dan took a clean black shirt and got changed in the bathroom. He didn’t bother changing his jeans since he only had an extra pair left. He washed his face in the bathroom sink and dried himself with the towel Phil lent him. It smelt like lavender.

When he went out to resume their activity, he saw Phil and nearly choked. He changed to a tank top that was obviously _too small_ for him, hugging his figure tightly. He wanted to scold Phil for the choice of clothing but as if reading his mind, he said,

“Sorry, this is the cleanest shirt I can find right now.”

“It’s alright,” Dan said as casual as he could, it was quite cringe-worthy. He internally slapped himself in the face, _focus, you turd._

Louise would be disappointed in what he finds attractive. Sure, Phil wasn’t exactly very muscular or fit as any other guy they’d rate in the underground tube, but the way he carried himself with such confidence, but at the same time bashfulness, it made Dan’s heart skip a beat.

They started all over again, taking the ingredients they measured earlier and added the amount they've wasted. This time, however, there was an extra challenge. Well, for Dan at least.

Dan took hold of his phone with the recipe, and Phil leaned in on him to check on a measurement. It was as if every fiber of his skin that touched him was radioactive. And every time Phil whispered something so he didn't forget, it was like fire on Dan’s neck. He prayed to every god in existence that he didn't look as red as he felt.

Even worse, _Touch_ was currently playing on Phil’s phone, as if it was trying to mock him.

“You listen to Troye Sivan too?” Dan breathed, resting his elbow on the table since he’s been holding his arm out for too long. Either that or he was just trying to ground himself and keep himself from grabbing his actual friend on the face and kiss him senseless.

Phil chuckled deeply, his voice literally resonating in Dan’s head. _Fuck._ “He’s a really good singer, isn’t he? His songs really brings out a certain mood, you know?” _Shit, was he that obvious?_

“Yeah,” he croaked. He didn’t dare look up.

He took the spatula he’s been using and mixed the butter and cocoa powder. He was probably over mixing it. They worked in silence, Phil mixed the eggs and sugar together while Dan swirled the spatula in the mixture, attempting to drown out the lyrics.

“We have to mix these together,” Phil read in the recipe. And Dan made the _worst_ mistake to look up and meet his eyes. He gulped, noticing Phil’s pupils dilated. Dan’s heart was pounding on his chest, he could feel the blood rushing in his ears. He was afraid he’d pass out.

_And I’m ready to jump_

_Yeah, I’m ready to swim_

“Okay,” he snapped his head back to the bowl in front of him, carried it over Phil’s bowl and emptied its contents. Their arms pressed together and it sent shivers down Dan’s spine. Once he finished, he placed the bowl back down on the table. His hands were trembling so bad, there was literally no way Phil didn’t see it.

And sure enough, Phil started to sing. He brought his finger under Dan’s chin and lifted it to face him. “ _Standing in the eye of the storm. My eyes start to roam.”_ Phil brushed his thumb gently on Dan’s lower lip. _“To the curl of your lips, in the center of eclipse.”_ He leaned in closer and rested his forehead on Dan’s. “ _In total darkness I reach, I reach out and touch_.”

Their lips were barely inches apart. Dan snaked his hands up Phil’s chest and wrapped it around his neck, pulling him closer. He was intoxicating; Phil surrounded him and clouded his head to the point where he couldn’t fully process whatever it was they were doing. His breath hitched as Phil ran his hand along his jaw and towards the back of his head.

Their lips were just about to touch as Dan’s phone rang obnoxiously.

Dan gasped as Phil growled, gently balling his fist on Dan’s hair. It was like a strong blast of wind knocked them off their feet. Dan withdrew his arms from Phil and walked over to his phone. It was a phone call from Louise. _Dammit, Louise._

“Hello?” he said in a husky voice. Dan clutched the table since his knees were wobbly. He met Phil’s gaze. He wanted to tear his eyes away, but it was as if Phil was holding them there.

“Dan, are you alright?” Louise asked worriedly as Dan tried to steady his breath.

“Yeah, why did you call?” his tone was annoyed, he didn’t even bother to hide it.

“I saw your snapchat story! You didn’t tell me you were in London so early. I thought you were coming tomorrow morning. Where are you?”

He gritted his teeth. He didn’t want to accuse snapchat or anything, but he wished he didn’t install the app at all. He felt very sensitive to everything around him, the roughness of the plastic table, the song _Muscle Memory_ drowning in the background, and Phil literally boring holes in Dan’s head with his eyes. And frankly, Louise was making things much worse.

“I’m at the Who Shop,” he bit his lip. “I wanted to buy a sonic screwdriver.” He didn’t want to tell her he’s with Phil. As much as she did like Phil now, she didn’t want her to know they’re _alone_ together in his flat. She still deemed Phil as a little sketchy.

“Why-- It’s literally in Amazon!” she exclaimed. It was a really long shot, since Dan really knew she’d never fall for any of his lies. He was an open book, even if he was on the phone. And Louise knew him long enough to tell if he’s lying.

“Well, I wanted the real deal,” he attempted to be nonchalant, rolling his eyes dramatically, “besides, I was planning to visit after.” Phil raised his eyebrows.

He heard Louise guffaw. “You? Visit me? Kiss my ass, Howell. You’d never do that.” She sighed after laughing and said, “But you know, I’ll take it. Where to?”

“Starbucks?” he offered. “The one near the Royal Opera House?” It was the closest one to him right now.

“Alright. I’ll be there in at least forty minutes,” she quipped. “See ya!” Dan let out a strangled sound before she dropped the call in attempt to say goodbye.

“So, you’re going now?” Phil asked, crossing his arms and stepping closer to him. Dan stepped backwards; Phil took the message and stopped where he was.

Dan nodded and smiled sadly. “Yeah. Sorry for cutting our...” he hesitated for a moment. _What were they doing?_ _Oh yeah._ “...baking.”

“S’alright. I guess I’m just gonna bake it myself. I’ll cut you a piece when you get back,” he responded innocently. Dan hated that he acted so casual after what happened before they were _rudely_ interrupted. Did it mean nothing to him? Was he just messing with him? Dan tried to ignore the notion that what they did was nothing for Phil.

“Thanks,” he walked towards Phil’s couch, where his bags were, trying to avoid Phil as much as possible. “I guess I should bring my bags so my story sounds convincing?”

Phil shrugged. “If you think so. Do you want me to come with you?” He tested something and took a step forward towards Dan, but he also took a step back.

A while ago, it was as if they were polar sides of a magnet. They were drawn together in every single possible way, and it was so natural and it felt _so right._ But now, Dan could barely go near  Phil, let alone touch him. He was scared he’d get hurt, or let the irrational side of his mind take over and cross a line.

“No, I can go there by myself,” he replied defensively as he slung his backpack on. Phil was stunned at his tone and looked down, all of the confidence and boldness diminishing. Dan sighed and said, “I’ll text you when I get there, yeah?”

It wasn’t as if Dan’s was anything to Phil but his friend. He shouldn’t feel the need to keep in tabs of where he was. But Phil nodded and muttered, “Okay.”

Dan winced and pointed his thumb towards the door. “Anyway, I have to get going.”

Phil looked up and licked his lips. Dan drew in a shaky breath. “Okay."

“Okay, see you,” Dan said before turning his back and walking away. He didn’t give Phil a final glance before leaving the flat.

Dan slapped his forehead. He had to buy a sonic screwdriver. He didn’t even _want_ one, it was just the first thing that went into his head. He didn’t exactly perform well under pressure. But if he wanted Louise to believe his half assed story then he was going to  have to make it believable.

He felt a lump in his throat, named Phil Lester, that was impossible for him to ignore. He was so close to kissing Phil, so close to confirming any of his past thoughts about whether or not he was actually falling for Phil, but if anything, it made him more confused than he ever was.

It was more enjoyable when he had his own thoughts and daydreams to himself where he and Phil were together. No one had to know; he didn’t even tell Louise. He just accepted that Phil would never like him and continued to imagine he did anyway, no harm no foul, or so he thought.

Now, having something _close_ to what he imagined all this time has made him think about reality. _Does Phil feel the same way too? What if it is actually possible?_

Logically speaking, of course not. Phil only liked him as a friend and only enjoyed his company because of the history they’ve made when they were younger. Maybe Dan was much more exciting before, maybe Phil just had different interpretations of his own memories and he amplified them into something he’d want to remember.

Dan hated the fact that his relationship with Phil was only built on the foundation of the past. Maybe Dan has changed over the years, and once he actually gets to know him better, he’d realizes that things were best kept in the past, and he’d be gone. This mess up could be it, actually. Phil might just be playing along with it and is actually relieved that Louise called, and he probably will avoid him forever. Even worse, he could just be teasing, and expect him to have a laugh with him the day after. Either scenario made his stomach lurch.

Once he finally got out of the building, he ran as fast as he could towards the nearest tube station. As much as possible, he tried to avoid seeing anything that reminded him of Phil. But since he was just _that_ pathetic, everything that existed did, even his absence.

* * *

Phil paced around his flat before finally deciding to sit on his bed. Things were going so well with him and Dan. He was just planning to bake brownie lasagna with him and probably watch _Harry Potter_ for the rest of the night. Why the _hell_ did he do that?

Phil wasn’t the kind of person that seduced people through music or anything like that. He wasn’t even the kind of person that seduced people _period_ . He was very awkward and clumsy when hanging around with other people that he’d mess up a five word sentence. Confidence around a certain person was something he’d have to master for months, even _years._

But with Dan? Technically, they’ve only been friends for five months, considering Dan didn’t remember the three years prior to that. Phil felt quite at ease when he was with Dan. Talking to him and _being_ with him was so natural that it’s like they’ve known each other for a long time already.

He knew everything about Dan: his likes, his dislikes, the reasons why he gets existential crises, and even the smallest of quirks. He’d share ideas and thoughts with him, or would have Phil to comfort him when he’s having those ‘moments’. In return, Phil shared everything about himself, far too much for his liking, and talked about what excited him everyday, just so Dan doesn’t get left out with the good things in life.

But that stupid stunt he pulled earlier, nearly _kissing_ his best friend, where did he get that from?

Phil was quite flattered, of course, when he noticed Dan was flustered when he wore a tank top. His face was heating up and he tried not to look at him. Surely, that’s what happened, right?

But looking back at it, he realized that maybe he _wasn’t_ actually flustered but instead uncomfortable. He ran his hands over his hair and shook his head. He was just jumping into conclusions.

He sighed and got up, picking up the tray and starting to line up the lasagna. Of course, Dan didn’t have the heart to tell him he was distressed with the entire situation so he just kept quiet. _God, Dan must hated him right now._ Phil didn’t even consider Dan’s feelings. He just let his ego take over and make things up.

Dan probably didn’t want to see Phil after this. He found his way out and took it, and he didn’t blame him, he was really just a creepy guy that stared at random people in public places. He’s probably going to tell Louise about it and maybe file a restraining order. Phil can’t believe he just destroyed their friendship when it was just about getting to know each other better.

He stared at the layer of lasagna in the tray. Does he really want to make brownie lasagna? There was no point to it at all; Dan probably didn’t want to do this anymore. Phil decided to throw out all the lasagna he’s cooked and just bake regular brownies. He’s going to  need them anyway.

When they finally finished baking fifteen minutes later, he pulled them out the oven and brought them to the table. He took a huge chunk of it and transferred it to a plate, which he carried with him to his bed to eat in silence. He took his laptop and watched his favorite episode of _Buffy._

He didn’t stop watching. By 9 PM,he was almost at the season finale. Phil tried to ignore the fact that Dan hasn’t came back yet. Heck, he never texted whether he got there or not. The more collected side of his brain said that _maybe_ Dan’s just having a lot fun with his friends that he didn’t bother contacting him. And then the paranoid side told him he was avoiding him, and it was obvious what side was winning.

Phil jumped when he heard his phone ring. He shot up and ran towards it from the other side of the room, it was the long awaited phone call from Dan. Before he could answer it, it went to voicemail. He crossed his arms and leaned back on the wall and sighed. Of course Dan didn’t want to talk to him right now anyway.

He played the voicemail as soon as the notification appeared.

“ _Hey, Phil. It’s Dan,” it was silent for a second. “Anyway, I just wanted to say I’m gonna stay with Louise for the night. She forced me to it,” he chuckled nervously, “So there’s that. So yeah, bye.”_

Phil locked his phone and slammed it on the table. It basically confirmed his speculations. He definitely ruined everything for them. Maybe if he just kept it in his pants, _maybe_ if he stopped being delusional, they would’ve been alright.

And he managed to screw up right before Dan’s birthday. _Great gift, Phil._

He deleted the voicemail angrily and called a number in his contacts. If he was going to be pathetic, he’s going to have to live up to it. It ringed three times before the person picked up.

“Hello?” the voice said.

Phil took a deep breath before saying, “Hey Caspar. It’s me, Phil.”

He heard a snort from the other line. “This isn’t 2004, Phil. You usually see who’s calling you before you answer it.”

Phil rolled his eyes. “Yeah. Anyway, I was just wondering if we can swap shifts at Shelf Esteem? I can take your Sunday shift if you take my Wednesday one.”

“Phil, you’re my lifesaver. I love you,” he made gross kissing noises, “I haven’t slept in two days. Of course I’ll take it man.” Phil ran his hand on his hair before Caspar asked, “But wait, why?”

He wanted to say that Louise had invited him to Dan’s birthday and he will need a buyable excuse to pass besides ‘I didn’t feel like it’. He also wanted to say that he’s feeling guilty for probably jeopardizing their entire friendship so he didn’t want to see Dan for a few days.

But saying it aloud would make him feel much worse than he already felt.

“I have errands to do on Wednesday.”

* * *

Louise left really early this morning to ‘prepare’ for Dan’s birthday. She promised that she wouldn’t do anything special for him, but as usual, she didn’t listen. When he woke up, he found a stack of pancakes and a glass of orange juice on the dining table with a little envelope with the writings _Clue One_ beside it.

While eating the meal, he opened the envelope and pulled out a paper and a key. They made a treasure hunt for him.

He felt a bit nauseous; he’s done this thing before, but with Phil. Dan began to wonder what Phil did since he left. Dan does admit he was feeling a bit guilty that he didn’t let any room for explanation, or that he didn’t go back to see if they were still in good terms. Dan was just so scared of rejection, that he just ran away. He wouldn’t be surprised if Phil didn’t want to see him again.

Dan got ready and decided wear a loose black shirt and jeans, since he knew there would be a lot of running. It’ll probably be the most running he’s ever done in a long time.  

The first step Louise instructed was to get her mail. He went down the light of stairs and went to the mail room. He took the key out and unlocked the mailbox written in the paper. It contained a lot of written letters and drawings from his friends in Manchester and on the internet. He was quite shocked, how did she get all this?

Dan skimmed through all of them to see who gave them. His heart dropped when he saw Phil’s name written in boxy letters. He inserted it in between the stack of letters to ignore its presence. As much as he did want to bring them with him, he had no place to put them. He’ll just take them at the end of the day.

An envelope similar to the one he received earlier was stuck to the door of the mailbox. He plucked it out and read the next stop. Louise had just written the address so he searched it in Google maps, and it turned out to be Starbucks. She had written that he should ask for the order under his name. Just like what Phil did.

He took the underground tube, listening to Muse on the way there. When he arrived, he approached the barista and asked for his order. They gave him a venti caramel frappuccino with a sky blue bow wrapped around it. The color instantly reminded him of Phil’s eyes.

“Here you go, happy birthday!” the barista greeted; her name was Hannah. “And here’s your last clue.” She gave him an envelope.

He offered her a meek smile before opening it and reading the final clue—it was a shorter treasure hunt than he expected. Phil was definitely better at making treasure hunts. It directed him to Regent’s Park by the Avenue Gardens. Dan had no idea where the heck was that so he just entered it in Google Maps and hoped for the best. Apparently it was just a ten minute walk away.

He occasionally took sips of his cold drink as he walked, biting the straw and lowering the cup to suck the whipped cream on top. It was hotter than usual outside, and having him walk in the middle of it was beyond him. Louise better have done something good otherwise he’d take the next taxi home and let her pay for it.

He spotted his friends, Louise, PJ and his soulmate, Sophie, sitting by a stone fountain. When they realized he was coming, sophie took a match and carefully lit the candle on the cake. They had a couple of pastel wrapped boxes, a small ice box, and plastic bags with what seemed to be chinese food by their feet.

“Happy birthday, Dan!” his friends cheered as he approached the stone fountain.

“Aww, thank you guys,” Dan gushed. PJ carried a pink oddly shaped cake. When Dan approached them, he realized it was a penis. An oddly anatomically accurate penis cake. The head sort of extended upwards, and that was where they place the candle. _Happy 18th Birthday Dan!_ was written in red icing along it’s length. PJ had to cover the flame with his hand as the wind started blowing.

“What the hell guys?” Dan exclaimed. He crossed his arms and looked at each of them, stifling their laughter.

“We were at the cakeshop and looked for a cake that screamed ‘Dan’. And this is the first one we saw! Do you like it?” PJ explained with a toothy grin. He was the most _imaginative_ person in the group.

“Make a wish, Dan!” said sophie. Dan rolled his eyes before closing them and making a wish. It was something that he couldn’t keep off his head even if he’s supposed to be enjoying his friends’ company. _I wish Phil and I will be okay._

He blew the candle, ignoring the fact that he was blowing on a dick, sort of, and his friends cheered.

“Anyway, Phil texted me earlier saying he couldn’t come because he had work,” Louise said, completely oblivious of their situation.

“Oh that’s alright,” Dan responded nonchalantly, but he felt his heart sink to his feet. Phil was avoiding him.

They took pictures with Dan holding the cake while glaring at the camera like he was in the office and all four of them together with party hats. Afterwards, they sat in a little circle at the foot of the fountain and ate the food. And the cake, which happened to be a cream filled sponge cake. Once they were almost done eating, Louise decided that it was time to give Dan his gifts.

“This one’s from me,” Louise screamed before tossing a baby blue wrapped box, the size of a mug. It was obviously a mug. He shook the box for suspense, raised his eyebrow questioningly at Louise, who just winked at him. He opened it, a TARDIS mug.

“I thought it would be a great _companion,”_ she elbowed him _, “_ with your sonic screwdriver! Now you have that doctor-y aesthetic going on!” His friends mumbled in agreement. Dan didn’t exactly have the heart to tell her that he didn’t have as much interest in the show as he used to, so he cooed and hugged her.

“Aww, thank you, Louise! This is perfect!” She seemed pretty pleased with herself. He settled it on his lap.

“Oh, open my gift next!” Sophie said, jutting a flat maroon box towards him. He noted how elegant and neat the gift wrapping was— she definitely didn’t do it. He tore the paper hesitantly, and when he opened the box, it revealed a black dress shirt with a zipper instead of buttons.

He took it out the box and held it in front of him. He looked at sophie questioningly and she shrugged. “I just saw that at the mall and it honestly just looked so you, you know?”

Dan smiled brightly. He must admit, the selection was spot on. “Thanks, sophie. It’s amazing!” he draped it over his chest and added, “I’m definitely gonna wear this everyday now.”

She giggled. “Don’t flatter me. Wait till you see PJ’s gift for you.” He mentally prepared for it as he folded the shirt as neatly as possible and put it back in the box.

Sophie gestured towards PJ, who took something from behind his back and held it over their heads. It was a clump of something crudely wrapped up in Christmas giftwrap, with the _Happy Holidays!’s_ scribbled off with sharpie and replaced with _Happy Birthday!’s._ Dan glared at him, attempting not to laugh. He wasn’t exactly sure if he was serious or not.

PJ passed it to Dan and cheered him on to open it. Dan found it difficult since the tape was rolled around in random places that he didn’t know which one to remove first. Once he’s successfully unwrapped it, he found out he was given a blue Haru pillow.

“Do you like it?” PJ asked enthusiastically as he watched Dan’s reaction. He was a bit amused and flustered at the same time. “Of course, I still remember the weeaboo stage of 2012,” he leaned in and whispered, “not like it stopped, obviously.” Dan hit him in the head with the pillow.

“It’s okay, I guess,” Dan said, hugging the pillow. PJ winked.

“Anyway, shall we move on to the _Fantastic Foursome Strategy?”_ PJ suggested, rubbing his hands together. “Or as I like to call it, _FFS_ , short for ‘for fucks sake’.”

Dan crossed his arms, right above the pillow, and said, “How can we call it a group thing if it only worked with Louise? Besides, it’s a stupid idea.”

The _Fantastic Foursome Strategy_ was basically something PJ made up as some kind of effective way to instantly meet your soulmate. He tested it on Louise’s birthday. She had to run around tapping people’s arms at a carnival in hopes to find her soulmate. Basically, PJ made you purposely run around instead of letting destiny, or whatever, lead you the way.

A lot of people gave her weird looks as she breezed past them laughing, while some didn’t notice at all. She’s done it both in her nineteenth and twentieth birthdays before it became successful. Louise ran towards a man eating a bag of popcorn. She was aiming to poke his forearm when she accidentally pushed too hard and threw the bag off his hands. Just before he  yelled at her, flowers began sprouting up their arms that he completely forgot about it. His name is Nathan, and he completes Louise in every way.

Dan was skeptical about the entire idea. He probably wasn’t going to be as lucky as Louise; his soulmate could be elsewhere. Dan might be at the wrong place at the wrong time and he might end up doing the same process over and over again every time it was his birthday. Instead of finding his soulmate, he might just find enough people to get mad at him and land him in jail.

“If it's stupid, but it works, it isn't stupid,” Sophie quoted. Louise and PJ chided in agreement.

Dan huffed. “But that’s just because Louise was lucky!” But no matter how much he protested, they insisted that he did it. But what can he do? Knowing his friends, they’d never take no for an answer.

They began to pack up. Sophie took all their paper plates, plastics containers and such and threw them all in the garbage can near them. PJ threw out the gift wrappers, crying as he threw his own, and put all of Dan’s gifts in a plastic bag, handing it to him. Louise returned the cake into the box and slotted it gently into a brown paper bag.

Once they finished, they looked at Dan expectantly before he made a run for it. He started with the people around the fountain, gently brushing his finger past their backs or their arms when they were facing the other direction. He avoided bonded couples, the kids, and the elderly, of course. That would be a complete waste of time and a high risk of getting reported to the police.

His friends were running behind him, obviously amazed at Dan’s performance. It might be the first time they ever seen him run, and probably the last. He was already sweating and losing his breath, and it’s only been two minutes, and his hand never caught any flowers.

When they were finally back from where they first started, Dan collapsed onto the foot of the fountain and breathed heavily. He dragged his hands down his face and wiped the sweat at the back of his neck. He looked at his friends with disappointment. He would be lying if he said he didn’t hope that his soulmate _may possibly_ be there. But just as he feared, there was no such luck.

It was as if the ‘strategy’ they’ve come up with defined his entire future. Dan felt like maybe he’d be searching his whole life for _the one_ but they weren’t actually there. He was worried that this single area represented the entire world, and Dan was just the lone runner tapping through everyone who will never fit.

PJ smiled sympathetically at him and patted his back. “Don’t worry, Dan. You still have more birthdays.”

Dan chuckled lightheartedly. “Thanks, I guess.”

* * *

Phil just finished his shift at work, as if it were anything more exciting than before. He handed over the position at the counter to his workmate Hazel and made his way back home. The sun was just about to set, creating pink and orange swirls in the horizon. It reminded him of Dan.

Basically anything reminded him of Dan at this point. He remembered how Dan said he liked orange juice and how he liked the color pink, despite having it contrast with his dark souled agenda. Phil remembered that the only bright colored article of clothing Dan has is an orange bomber jacket because it was a gift to him from his aunt. They were little things Dan told him that he’s probably forgotten about, but Phil definitely kept it in mind.

It’s probably because Phil liked him. It’s probably the reason why he went through all this trouble to try helping Dan recall his memories. Phil admitted that he wouldn’t do any of this for anyone else, not even Martyn. Phil felt content and warm inside whenever he saw Dan happy because of something he did.

But then every time Phil tried to think of the good things he’s done with Dan, his mind starts to drift off to the part where he _ruined_ everything. Phil remembered how he practically trapped Dan into a position he wasn’t comfortable in and Dan’s look of repulsion when he finally gave away. He wishes his mind would be wiped clean just like Dan’s so he’d never have to remember it again.

He’s even deleted the song _Touch_ in his iTunes because every time Phil shuffles his songs, _Touch_ manages to resurface no matter what happens. Was the universe screwing with him?

Or maybe it was just trying to tell him something. Maybe it’s not too late for him to fix their friendship. All he had to do was swallow his pride, since this was all his fault anyway, and just face his fears. Phil started to walk with much more purpose, like he’s been carrying a boulder the entire time. His head is now filled with ideas to make their conversation any less awkward and hopefully get his real point across.

It was probably the most focused he’s ever been. Their friendship relied on how Phil plays this whole thing out, and he most certainly didn’t want to destroy it even more.


	4. Underneath the Purple Skies

Dan unknowingly finished the last of Louise’s milk. He was so positive that it was much more heavier when he shook the carton before pouring some into his cereal. Apparently not.

He was just getting ready before heading back home. His four day weekend has come to an end and he’d never thought he’d say this, but he was excited to go back to school. It would mean being busier which could help clear his thoughts of Phil.

Dan heard a knock at the door as he ate cereal in silence. Louise probably left her credit card or something when she left to buy milk at Sainsbury's. Dan looked around the living room to find anything she’s left so he could show it to her and say ‘ _ Looking for this?” _

When he didn’t find anything, he walked to the door and peered through the peeping hole to check if it was in fact Louise. It wasn’t. Speaking of the devil, it was Phil standing awkwardly on the other side of the door holding something behind his back.

His instincts betrayed him as he opened the door.

“Oh, you’re here,” Phil croaked, looking looking down at his feet. He rubbed the back of his neck and said, “I mean, you are the reason why I’m here but… I thought… you know… Louise would answer the door?”

Dan furrowed his eyebrows and replied, “Well, Louise went out to grab something. But I guess you can come in?” He opened the door a bit wider and stepped to the side. Phil looked up and met Dan’s eyes. It has only been two days since he last saw them, but Dan wasn’t used to it anymore. Phil stepped into the flat carefully, as if there were landmines sitting beneath the carpet, and Dan led him towards the couch. 

“These are for you, by the way,” Phil says as he revealed what he’s been hiding behind his back. It was a black paper bag with gold and silver stripes and an arrangement of Maltesers made to look like a heart in a vase made out of black and pink ribbons “Happy belated birthday.”

Dan smiled, in spite of himself, and received them. He admired the color scheme of his presents and was a bit shocked that Phil remembered that he liked Maltesers. “Thank you.”

“Sorry if I didn’t get to come on your birthday. Caspar wanted to switch shifts with me.” He chuckled nervously.

“Oh, it’s alright. It’s a good thing you didn’t,” his eyes widened, realizing that might’ve came out wrong and elaborated, “There was running involved, I’m sure you’d hate that,” he joked lightly. Phil laughed softly, thankfully. “Can I open this now?”

“Sure!” Phil responded. 

Dan placed the gift on the coffee table and ripped the paper bag open. He pulled out a felt dinosaur hand puppet and a phone case with black glitter dancing in liquid with gold stars.

“Here’s a tidbit from the past: You used to really like dinosaurs. You’d watch dinosaur documentaries with your father and tell me all about it the next day,” Dan inserted his hand into the puppet as Phil went on, “I was quite amazed you could say  _ Opisthocoelicaudia  _ with a single breath, really.” He said the name slowly, just so he wouldn’t mess it up.

“Opisthocoelicaudia?” Dan demonstrated, smirking as he moved the puppet with his words. “Still got it.”

Phil grinned. “Used to call yourself Danosaur sometimes, and I was a Philion,” he took out a small lion plush from his pocket and rested it on his palm. 

“And the phone case?” Dan asked, shaking it and making the black glitter scatter within it. 

“Tidbit from the past,” Phil started, rubbing his hands together.

_ ~ _

_ “What is that constellation then?” Phil asked pointing at a random cluster of stars. To be honest he didn’t know what he’s supposed to be looking at but he figured they’d all look the same anyway. _

_ They were lying down on Phil’s backyard as they admired the starry sky above them. It was a bittersweet night, if Phil was being honest with himself, since it might be the last time they’d ever do anything like this. All the Howells’ belongings are loaded up in a truck and they are ready to leave as soon as the sun rises.  _

_ “That would be Gemini,” Dan stated, dotting his finger in a random pattern Phil didn’t recognize. “That’s my zodiac, actually.” _

_ Phil turned his head to face him. “Really? You must be two faced then.” _

_ Dan glared at him. “I’m not two faced.” He poked the side of his nose. _

_ “Well my mum says I’m a Aquarius. I’m really happy, though. I’ve always wanted to be a merman someday.”  _

_ They giggled until their stomachs hurt and tears starting to form in their eyes. The grass tickled his neck as he rolled from side to side. They forced themselves to stop as they were running out of breath. They were reduced to silence a few minutes later, when the joke grew old.  _

_ “I can’t believe you’re leaving tomorrow,” Phil said sadly. _

_ “Whenever you feel like you need me or you miss me, look for Gemini.” He shrugged. “My mom told me to do that when she went on business trips out of town and I had to stay with a babysitter.” _

_ “Okay,” he sat up, holding himself up with his elbows. Phil pulled off some grass from his side and threw them at his friend, receiving a soft grunt. “And if you miss me, look for Aquarius.” _

_ They sealed the deal by hooking their pointing fingers together. _

~

“I also came by to say sorry,” Phil said, and added hesitantly, “About… what I did that time. I know it was really dumb of me to go cross your boundaries.” 

Dan felt his hands becoming clammy at the mention of the topic. He flipped his hand and said, “It’s alright. Let’s just pretend like it never happened, yeah?” Whenever Dan tried to sound casual, it was as if he was having a stroke. “Just promise me one thing, though.” 

Phil looked up expectantly. “What?”

Dan’s features softened as he replied, “Never miss any of my birthdays ever again.”

“Okay. Pointy promise,” Phil’s lip twitched to a smile as he held out his pointing finger. 

Dan looked at him confusedly. “Isn’t it supposed to be ‘pinky promise’?” 

It was just the question Phil expected. He chuckled and shuffled on his seat so he was facing Dan properly. “ _ Another  _ tidbit from the past: You didn’t believe in pinky promises because you thought it was the weakest finger we have. So it meant promises would be broken.”

Dan smiled to himself, he was a pretentious nine year old, was he?

“So anyway, I pointy promise never to miss your birthdays again,” Phil concluded, pointing at his finger with his other finger. Dan stared at it and looked up to meet his expectant eyes before hooking his own pointing finger with Phil’s.

People said you know when you meet your soulmate the second before it happens, like how your life flashes right before your eyes before you die. But Dan didn’t feel anything. It came to him like a jolt of electricity. He retracted his finger as soon as he felt it, staring at the print starting to form on his skin.

It started with thin black lines running down his finger and onto his palm, stopping at his wrists. It was followed by an outline of big green leaves that extended towards the middle of his forearm. Thin vines emerged between them and small outlines of white flowers blossomed, similar to tiny bells. He recognized it from somewhere, it was on the vase on Phil’s mother’s dining table. 

Dan looked over to Phil, who was just as shocked as he was. Lines were forming on Phil’s hand in the same pace as his. Instead of big leaves, long stems that contained leaves and thorns emerged. Six buds dotted his forearm before they blossomed into outlines of beautiful lavender roses. Phil was breathing heavily, his eyes fixated on his outstretched forearm.

Neither of them said a word. 

With shaky fingers, Phil traced the new marks that formed on his own arm. He was expecting a sting, a burn, something, but it was as if nothing happened. It was like it had been there the whole time, just like the soulmate he’s been longing for. 

He met Dan’s eyes as a silent question, and he hesitantly nodded his head. Phil carefully took Dan’s hand, as if it would break, and traced up the leaves and flowers on his arms. Dan closed his eyes and focused on Phil’s finger dancing on his skin and the gentle grip on the tips of his fingers that held him there. 

What were the odds that the person meant for him was his best friend? Whatever caused this--fate, the stars, or whatever-- must’ve planned this from the start.

Dan felt Phil’s hand reaching up to fix his fringe and opened his eyes, realizing Phil was staring at him the entire time. He ducked his head to hide his blush, only for Phil to place his finger under his chin and raise his head, abruptly leaning in to bring their lips together.

Saying that Phil was a good kisser was an understatement. Dan would’ve fallen over if they were standing up. He started slowly, almost teasing, worrying his lips with such gentleness and passion, and cupped the back of his head to bring him closer. Dan took a few seconds to process what was happening before kissing back, squeezing his eyes shut.

Phil’s lips were soft compared to his. He tasted like cherry chapstick. The hand that was holding his own ghosted around his waist, pulling him closer. They were in an awkward position at this point, Dan is nearly sitting on Phil’s lap and Dan’s right arm pressed between the couch and his body.

Dan made an embarrassing moan at the back of his throat, which only encouraged Phil to deepen the kiss. Dan pried his right arm off to clutch on Phil’s shoulder when he nibbled his bottom lip. Dan was starting to get goosebumps on his arms.

Dan wanted to cry. All of this was too good to be true. He remembered all the imaginary universes he’s created in his head where they’d be together, and it crashed on him.  _ Shit, they’re real. It’s going to happen. Oh my god. _

But the happiness diminished just as fast as it came. He also remembered the reason why he believed it would never happen, and not even the fact that they were soulmates would erase that. In fact, it was a strengthened his argument: being his soulmate would be such work that Phil would regret every second of it.

They slowly pulled away to catch their breaths, resting each other's foreheads together. Dan panted, tightening his grip on Phil’s shoulder before pushing him away. Phil withdrew his hands from Dan and placed them on his own lap, watching him worriedly.

Dan covered his face with his hands and tried to bite back a sob. Phil worriedly scooted closer to him and carefully held Dan’s wrists, lowering them and searching his face to see what was  wrong.

“Did I do something wrong?” he asked panickedly. “I’m so sorry, Dan.” He cupped the side of Dan's face and wiped his tears away with his thumb.

“No, Phil.  _ I’m sorry,”  _ he corrected, looking anywhere else besides Phil. “You deserve more than this, you know,” he gestured to himself, “You deserve more than  _ me.” _

“You’re the best fucking person I’ve ever met, Phil. You radiate with happiness and kindness and I’m just going to take all of that away from you.”

Phil shook his head furiously and blinked back his tears. “No, that’s not true. You’re the reason why I been happy these past few months. Everyday, you give me something to smile about.”

Dan wanted to believe him badly, but he was convinced he was just saying it to make him feel better. He took Phil’s right hand and stared at the flowers on it. Indeed, they were lavender roses. Despite them being the only people in the room, Dan thought maybe his soulmate was someone else.

Dan sighed, getting up and walking towards the kitchen. “Remember when I told you that I didn’t want to meet my soulmate? It’s because I’m scared. That l won’t meet my partner’s expectations no matter what.”

He gestures at Phil and laughed bitterly. “And you come prancing along with all these happy thoughts and all these expectations for your soulmate and…” his voice cracked and he started to cry, covering his face with his hands again.

Phil got up and marched towards Dan to envelope him in his arms, kissing his hair to help him feel better.

“... I can never do any of that for you,” he finished, his voice muffled against Phil’s shoulder.

“I don’t care. I just want you.” Phil corrected himself, “I  _ need  _ you.” 

Dan pushed him away and said, “No, you don’t.” He hugged himself, already missing Phil’s embrace. He felt warm and secure in his arms, but he felt like it wasn’t supposed to be for him. “Please, just go.”

Phil stared at him in disbelief, and Dan tried to return it with a determined gaze in order to get his point across. Dan wanted Phil to hate him, but it also pained him to see his face like that, like Dan kicked a puppy right in front of him. Phil rarely looked like that since he’s usually positive about  _ everything.  _ Dan couldn’t believe he was going to take it away from him.

Phil had no choice but to sigh, dropping his arms to his side and accepting defeat.

“I’m sorry if I’m trying to force myself onto you,” he rubbed his arm where his markings were,    
“But we’re still soulmates. And if you think for one second that I won’t accept  _ you _ for who you are, then you are dead wrong.”

Dan felt his heart leap out of his throat. He can’t believe Phil was telling him these things when he obviously didn’t deserve it. He wanted to say that he’ll get over it, that all he’s saying wasn’t true, but instead he heard himself say, “Just go.”

Phil sighed, nodding his head slowly. He turned away and walked towards the door. Dan wanted to stop him but he was rooted in where he was standing. Phil opened the door, the sound of it clicking ringed in Dan’s ears, and headed out. 

“Dan?” Phil called silently. Dan furrowed his eyebrows. “I love you.” With that last sentence, Phil closed the door behind him.

Dan felt like he was drowning, like his lungs were squeezed in his chest. He gripped on the dining chair to his right and sobbed, letting go of everything he suppressed in front of Phil. The marks on his arm only reminded him of how weak he was when facing his emotions. He wanted to rip them off him and never see them again. They were supposed to be symbols of belonging to someone, that you have a partner that understood and trusted you. 

So why does he feel so betrayed?

* * *

Dan went to the guest’s bedroom and locked the door. He stomped to the bed and curled up in a ball under the sheets, sticking his hand out to reach his phone and headphones from the nightstand. He angrily wiped his tears away as he searched for a song to listen to. Dan started to get annoyed; he didn’t feel like listening to anything. So he forced himself to listen to his ‘Sad Playlist’.

He lived his whole life thinking that there would always be a song that’ll help him with something, but this is the first time he felt  _ nothing. _ He wanted to feel connected to a song, any song for that matter, but his mind was off somewhere else. He felt hatred, rage, sadness, self-pity, and surprisingly, love, all in one mush and he had no idea which one dominated over the rest.

Dan never expected to find his soulmate so soon. He hasn’t even been eighteen for twenty four hours, yet, he’s bonded already. Some people would say he was lucky. That he skipped the line and saved himself from all the waiting.

But he had expected to find his soulmate somewhere around his thirties, right when he started to wish he’d just find them already. Dan had met a lot of his mother’s friends who actually start to get antsy about finding their soulmate because they felt like they were getting too old. 

The song playing now is  _ Blackout  _ by Muse. He had no idea why he put it there, it was nowhere near appropriate to how he felt in the situation, but the instrumentals were very soothing. He turned the music up to get rid of any background noise, and to drown out the sound of him crying. 

He wanted to feel as carefree as before, when he and Phil were sitting in the park and listening to music, but Phil was exactly the reason why he was feeling troubled right now. Dan tried doing it himself, pressing the earbuds deeper in his ear, but it didn’t give the same effect. In fact, it made him realize that he was alone. 

Dan felt a gentle hand touch his shoulder. He almost panicked but when he turned around, he realized Louise was sitting beside him. “Dan? Are you alright?” 

His vision was muddled and his eyes felt puffy. He covered them with his hands and whimpered, burying himself in the covers. 

“What’s wrong, Dan?” Louise was growing anxious since Dan wasn’t replying. He decided to stick his arm out of the covers to show exactly what’s wrong. Louise gasped.

“Y-you?” she spluttered. “Dan, I’m sorry if I’m the thickest person on the planet, but why are you crying?”

Dan sniffled, sitting up slowly to face his friend, “E-everyth-thing was g-going great-t. But y-you know, classic Dan thought ‘h-hey, why n-not fuck everything up?’” Louise slowly rubbed circles on his back. “I pushed him away,” he whispered. He probably wasn’t making sense to Louise, but he couldn’t exactly form proper sentences at the moment.

Dan felt the pain surged through him again and couldn’t speak. He stared blankly at his arm, paying no attention to it at all, but it was the only thing in his head. It’s image bore in Dan’s mind as soon as it appeared, covering it wouldn’t make a difference for him. It’ll haunt him for a long time.

Louise wrapped her arms around him and played with his hair a little. She knew it relaxed him a little and he admitted that it was working. “It’s okay to feel that way, Dan. It happens. You don’t have to be happy about your soulmate.”

“But that’s the thing, though. I should be. Because he’s the most amazing person in the planet. And I’m fucking lucky to be his soulmate.” He pressed his cheek on her shoulder and grumbled. “But is he lucky to be mine?”

“You’re shocked, Dan. It’s perfectly normal to react this way. I’m sure Phil understands.” Dan nearly choked. He hasn’t mentioned his name at all, but somehow Louise knew. 

He shook his head furiously and pulled away from Louise, burying his head into a pillow. “He doesn’t! And now he hates me. I fucking ruined this for him, Louise.” He wanted to suffocate himself with the pillow, pushing himself deeper into it, but Louise pried it away from his grip.

“It’s not the end of the world, Dan.”  _ It is,  _ he thought. “You can try to cool things down for a bit. Talk to him when you’re ready. You can’t force yourself into a relationship that you don’t want to be a part of.” 

“What if it’s too late?” His voice cracked at the last word. 

Louise gave Dan a comforting smile. “You’re never too late for love. Sometimes, it takes time. And believe me,” she took both of Dan’s hands and gently massaged his palms, “The wait is worth it.”

* * *

Phil’s shift was finally almost over, so he started to close the store. He made a mental checklist of the things he’d have to do before heading home. He took the little broom from the closet and began doing a half-assed job in sweeping. It was definitely better than Caspar’s version of sweeping; he probably couldn’t even use a dustpan properly. Despite learning the significance of doing the chores from his mother, Phil would never voluntarily do them, or do a good job at all.

This is what he hated about end-of-the-day shifts, it meant you were in charge of cleaning up and closing and everything; you got extra work for the same paycheck. Can’t they just hire someone else to do it? It usually took him an hour to finish up and he has wasted a lot of time. He could do a lot of things within that hour, like procrastinate before he does actual school work. 

It has been a week since he got bonded with Dan, and he hasn’t had contact with him ever since. Phil tried texting him the afternoon after that, but Dan didn’t reply, so he took the hint and never sent a follow-up text. 

Phil wanted to get mad at Dan for not wanting to be with him at all. But it was Dan’s choice right? He knew there was a possibility that his soulmate wouldn’t accept him and he prepared himself for that. He would simply accept their decision and move on with his life, but Phil knew he would get hurt in the process, but that was the right thing to do, wasn’t it?

But Phil was selfish. He wanted to love and feel loved by the person that was meant for him, and it just happened to be Dan. As friends, they reached love to some degree, but knowing that they could have so much more, that love just wasn’t enough anymore. Besides, Dan probably wouldn’t get back with him and say,  _ Hey, so I don’t think the soulmate thing will work out, but we can still be friends! _

Back when they were friends, Dan invited him to attend his graduation. Phil had already purchased a ticket to Berkshire, but he didn’t go. He wouldn’t want to ruin a very important day for Dan and make him miserable again. He’d seen Dan’s snapchat stories, and he looked pretty happy.

It was either they go big or go home, but Dan chose to go home. 

He heard the front door swing open and the wind chime made a sound. Whether they were a burglar or not, Phil didn’t bother looking up and just shouted, “Sorry, we’re closing. Just come back tomorrow.” 

When the person didn’t respond, Phil started to grow suspicious. He looked up to see if the intruder was up to anything, tightening his grip on his broom for good measure. Speak of the devil. Phil nearly dropped it when he realized who it was, rubbing his right arm instinctively.

He could recognize that horned hoodie anywhere. Who else would wear something like that? The man scanned the aisle Phil just finished cleaning, pursing his lips and completely ignoring Phil. He ducked to read the titles of books on the lower shelves. When the man finally found the book he’s been looking for, he smiled to himself and pulled it off the shelf. 

Dan finally met Phil’s eyes; it felt like years since he last saw them. He smiled, waving the book in the air. “I’m going to buy it.” It was a book about flowers.

It took Phil a few seconds to function properly in order to go behind the counter and ring Dan’s purchase. He pushed a few buttons and scanned the barcode of the book, pushing some buttons again. “That’ll be 4.89 pounds.” Dan gave him cash. Phil saw the lines of roots and leaves peaking out from his covered arm.

“Titbit from the past,” Dan murmured. His head shot up, confirming if he heard it right. “I loved flowers--well, I still do.”

And it was true. Phil remembered how Dan used to stop in the middle of their walk back home to admire a flower he saw on the sidewalk. He would then refer to a book, similar to the one he just purchased, and learn everything about it. Dan would ramble on about their uses and tell him random information he found interesting about the flower.

Out of all flowers, Phil recalls a lot about roses. It was obviously Dan’s favorite flower, considering it’s the one on his arm right now (though it was something he tried his best to ignore). It was also one Dan always talked about, going into detail about each kind and what different colors meant. Apparently, each color meant something different when you give them to someone; as if they were all completely different flowers from each other.

Dan pulled his left sleeve up but Phil kept his gaze on his eyes. He gave him a small smile and lowered his eyes, causing Phil to follow them. Dan’s markings looked just like the way he remembered them. Phil never forgot what his favorite flower looked like on Dan’s skin, no matter how hard he tried to ignore Dan’s on his. Dan ran his finger against each outline of his flower.

“I used to get all these books and read facts about flowers. Did you know a person’s favorite flower tells something about what they feel about their soulmate? I usually told my childhood friend about it, among other useless facts, but I’m sure he wasn’t listening half the time.” He chuckled softly.

Phil raised his eyebrow and smiled hopefully. “You remember?”

“I have my sources.” He winked, attempting to lighten the mood by asking, “D’you know what your flower is? I don’t really know what to Google.” Phil laughed. Dan sat on the floor in front of the counter and Phil decided to join him as well.

Phil gingerly took Dan’s arm and placed it on his lap. “It’s called Lily of the Valley.” He poked each flower dangling from their vine. 

“Lily of the valley,” he let the name roll his tongue. He blindly reached above him for the book on the counter and flipped to the table of contents to see if it was there. It was, on page 21. 

“Lily of the Valley: scientific name  _ Convallaria majalis _ , is usually found in cool temperate areas in the Northern Hemisphere,” he read. He skipped past the scientific bits and went down to the section that told it’s meaning. “They mean return of happiness, purity of heart, and ‘you’ve made my life complete’.” 

“You really did,” Phil whispered. Ignoring all the complications with their timeline, Dan has indeed made Phil’s life complete. He felt like a better person, with a better attitude when he was with Dan. Maybe he needed the existential crisis Dan brings to the table, but he definitely needed Dan in general. Dan rested his head on Phil’s shoulder and laced his fingers with Phil’s. 

“I’m so sorry for lashing out on you,” he looked up and gave Phil a sad smile, “That was a really bad first meeting, wasn’t it?”

Phil shrugged. “It wasn’t too bad. Technically, our first meeting was when you thought I was gawking at you in the tube station.”

Dan giggled and nuzzled his face onto Phil’s neck, who was laughing as well. “Well  _ technically  _ our first meeting was somewhere around 2006, and I don’t even remember it.”

Phil shook his head nostalgically. He remembered both very well, and they both sent very mixed signals. “Is it possible to meet the same person three different times?”

“If it’s with you, I wouldn’t mind meeting you all over again.” 

“Me too,” Phil whispered, closing his eyes. 

After a few seconds of silence, enjoying each other’s company, Dan said, “Still though, I’m sorry.”

“S’okay. You know I meant everything I said, right?” He hoped Dan knew what he meant. Everything he told him the morning they got bonded were sincere. He did accept Dan no matter what he does. And yes, Phil needed him.

“Yeah, I believe you,” Dan whined. “But then, I don’t believe myself, you know? I don’t believe that I can be the perfect soulmate for you.”

“Dan, there isn’t a right or wrong way of being a soulmate. You just… be. And I will accept everything there is to you.” He ran his hand down the side of his cheek and added, “I’m not perfect either, you know.”

Dan held onto Phil’s hand and leaned his head onto it. “Don’t be ridiculous. You are.” 

“And you are so much more. I was, am, and will always be in love with you.”

Dan scrunched his nose. “That’s so cheesy. But wait, does that mean…?” 

Phil released Dan’s hands and wrapped his arms around him, bringing him close to his chest. “I was relieved it was you. I was convinced I was cheating on my soulmate for months even if I hadn’t met them yet.”

Phil had definitely considered the possibility that maybe they were soulmates, but that was more of a fantasy than a hypothesis. Phil simply took the easy way out and drew to the conclusion that he was just feeling something towards Dan because they spend a lot of time together, and that it would wear off somehow. 

The flaw in this conclusion was that the more he spent time with Dan, the more Phil liked him. But of course, Phil couldn’t call off their weekend activities; it was practically an extracurricular activity for the two of them. Avoiding him completely would confuse Dan. And Phil could list a ton of reasons why he shouldn’t just admit it directly. 

So yes, he was very much relieved that he didn’t have to deal with any of those doubts anymore.

“Well since you profess your undying love for me, what will you tell your soulmate now?” he said sarcastically, poking Phil’s cheek.

Phil swatted his hand away. “That purple roses are the most basic flowers that they could ever think of liking.”

“Lavender roses,” Dan corrected, sticking his tongue out and said, “What’s basic are red roses.” He skimmed through the book and searched for it in the chapter about roses. “And besides, according to this book, it means love at first sight and enchantment.” 

“Is it true?”

Dan shrugged, closing the book with a loud snap. “I don’t know. When I saw you at the tube station, I thought you had a nice ass.”

Phil gave him a look of confusion and said, “You were enchanted with my butt, so you asked Louise to beat me up.”

“I told you I was a mess!” he laughed, “I’m not good with acting upon my emotions.”

“I’m quite the opposite. I make good decisions, I think,” he ducked his head to be face to face with Dan. “So I’m going to do this,” he tilted his head slightly and kissed Dan gingerly. He felt warmth spread over his chest and smiled against the kiss. Dan ran his hand through Phil’s hair and pulled him closer.

Phil began trailing kisses down Dan’s jaw and down his neck, causing him to giggle. “That tickles,” he protested, swatting him away, but at the same time leaning towards him. Phil bit on a particularly sensitive spot, right above Dan’s collarbone, and Dan moaned. Phil sucked on the soft flesh, soon leaving a big red mark that stood out against Dan’s pale skin.

“I have a question though,” Phil said as he pulled away, ignoring how red Dan was turning. “Why six roses? You just got like a strand of mine.”

“Fuck, how should I know?” Dan replied in a throaty voice, flipping the book on his lap to find any sort of explanation. Phil smirked. “Apparently it means ‘need to be loved and cherished’. I guess that’s right.”

“Well you are loved and cherished.” He kissed Dan’s cheek. He considered giving him another kiss on his lips, but decided to tease him for a bit. Phil stared into his eyes, smiling mischievously, and slowly leaned in. About a centimeter away from Dan’s lips, he pulled away, receiving a growl from Dan.

“ _ Noooo,”  _ Dan whined.

“I still have to finish closing up, Danny.” Phil got up and took the broom and dustpan and resumed his half-assed sweeping, his back facing Dan. He looked back at Dan every once in awhile, who simply crossed his arms and glared at him.

“First of all, never call me Danny, ever. Second, can you hurry up? Your butt is kinda distracting and if nothing happens in the next five minutes I’m going to tear this place apart.”

Phil laughed as he threw the dirt he collected into the rubbish bin. He returned the broom and dustpan back in the supplies closet and said in a mocked-hurt voice, “I’m kinda disappointed that my soulmate only wants me for my backside.” He went behind the counter and emptied the cashier, counting up the money they earned for the day and comparing it to the one logged in the computer.

Dan got up and walked behind Phil, wrapping his arms around his waist and settling his head on his shoulder. “I’m surprised it wasn’t the first thing I touched. It would’ve been really hard to explain why your markings are down there.” 

Phil rolled his eyes. “I can imagine.”

If it wasn’t for Dan distracting or seducing him every five seconds, Phil would’ve finished half an hour ago. He laid across one of the tables Phil just finished cleaning and pouted dramatically or sung  _ All Star  _ until Phil kissed him. Dan offered to help do some of the chores, but he didn’t fulfil his promise. 

Once Phil  _ finally  _ closed the store, they practically sprinted back to Phil’s house, only a couple of blocks away. They were breathless by the time they got there; they’ve never done as much activity until then. Their hands and laughter were linked together, along with their quick footsteps that echoed in the quiet streets. 

Warmth spread over Phil’s chest once again when it finally washed over him. He looked at the hand currently holding his, the person running in front of him, recalling how carefree they were , but in different circumstances. Dan has been Phil’s friend for so long, it was going to be hard for him to get used to calling him his soulmate. To call him _his_ and vice versa. Phil knew this was going to be a new chapter for the two of them. A lot of things would change, but he was sure they’d be good changes. 

They slowed down at some point, probably because Dan had to catch his breath. Phil settled with just wrapping his arm around Dan’s shoulders and resting his head on his.

Since Martyn found his soulmate, it has been a long journey for Phil of expecting and longing for finding his own happy ending. Phil never thought he’d be over it and actually reach the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow, but he did. He even realized that it wasn’t going to be a happy ending, but an exciting beginning. 

Whatever happened last week had been completely washed off by all of the fuzzy feelings and expectations Phil had for the future. He expects a lot of ups and downs, but isn’t that the whole point? To accept each other's differences and share happiness together?

Phil was getting too cheesy for his own good. He wished his inner sappy self would stop, just like how he wished Dan would stop kneading his butt.

* * *

Dan’s peaceful slumber was interrupted by a loud ring, someone was calling him on his phone. He groaned and blindly patted the floor to find his phone. He felt a heavy arm slung around his torso so it was extra difficult for him to find it. With that, several thoughts from last night replayed in his head and he blushed. He opened his eyes a bit to see who the caller was. Louise.

“What the hell, Louise? I just woke up,” he croaked.

“Considering how you didn’t come for me to stay the night, your voice is very raspy, and you just woke up at 11 AM, I’m sure things went well with Phil?” she asked. Dan closed his eyes and groaned. The light spilling from the space between the curtains was quite blinding. 

“Shut up. And yes, things were amazing,” he said flatly. Louise was the one that gave him advice about what to do with the entire situation and convinced him to talk to Phil when he was ready. She was the reason why Dan was in his current position; it was a prospect he didn’t really want to entertain.

Dan only heard laughter in the other end. “I’m just so happy that you’re happy. My baby’s all grown up!” He smiled to himself and felt his cheeks turn redder. He could practically feel her jumping around from the other end. 

“Thank you, Louise. I owe you one,” he whispered. 

“You’re welcome. Have fun!” She ended the call before he had a chance to say goodbye.

Dan looked over his shoulder and saw Phil still fast asleep. He craned his neck to face him, obstructed by Phil’s arms to turn over. He gently turned over so that he was lying on his back, holding up Phil’s hand to prevent it from shifting around. 

Tiny outlines of green leaves poked out from the sides of his hand. Dan turned it over and saw his markings once again. He’ll never get tired of them. He thought of them as permanent friendship bracelets, well, soulmate bracelets. 

He ran his fingers on Phil’s smooth arm, pausing at the roses to swirl his finger around them. It still blew his mind that something about him was now a part of Phil. He used to be doubtful about having your favorite flower on your soulmate’s skin, going into lengths explaining how your favorite flower could change over time. But looking at it on someone else, knowing that it was him that put it there, actually made Dan feel giddy. 

Dan then looked at his own forearm, bearing Phil’s favorite flower. He was confused why Phil would like this particular flower. It was very alien to him, the first time he actually saw it was at Phil’s birthday and nowhere else. Maybe that’s why Phil liked it so much. It was so unique, that somehow it stood above the rest of the flowers. 

Or maybe because they looked like bells, who knew?

“Are you done yet?” Phil asked soberly. 

Dan snapped his head to face him, furrowing his eyebrows. “How long have you been up?” He felt Phil pulling him closer and burrowing his head in Dan’s neck.

“Your ringtone is really loud.” 

Dan shifted so that he was on his side, facing Phil. He moved closer so that they were chest to chest, Phil breathing slowly on the side of Dan’s neck. Contrastingly, Dan was breathing heavily. He’s never been this intimate with anyone(besides last night, of course) and it was a strange feeling for him. There were no words passed between them; the beat of each other’s hearts was enough for them to know what the other felt. 

A few minutes later, Phil muttered, “Good morning.”

Dan smiled and said, “Good morning.”

“What did Louise say?” Dan felt his breath tickle his neck and shuddered. Phil blindly reached for the nightstand behind Dan, taking his glasses and putting them on.

“She just asked me how I was. She was worried when she saw me that morning.” Dan felt a pang in his chest when he remembered how  _ bad  _ he felt. But looking at where he was now, the pain actually felt worth it.

“Remind me to thank her for taking care of you,” Phil said, rubbing the small of Dan’s back.

“Will do,” Dan replied. He shuffled his phone on his hands as the silence stretched out for minutes. It wasn’t an uncomfortable kind of silence, though. Dan felt like they had all the time in the world to just stop and be with each other for as long as they wanted and no one would interrupt them. 

“You know, I still can’t believe I’ve found you.” Phil leaned back and rested his head on his pillow. His features softened when he added, “I’ve waited two years.”

“Yeah. And I waited a day.” Dan said, killing the romantic mood. 

Phil scrunched his nose. “That’s cheating.”

“Then I guess the moral of the lesson is to let it happen when it does.” Dan propped his head on his elbow.

“You’re the one to talk.”

Dan rolled his eyes. “I was at a vulnerable state at the time.” The corner of Phil’s lips quirked up to a smile, probably unsure of whether he was being serious or not. Dan added, “But I’m okay now.”

Dan knew it was rude to stare, but he couldn’t help but become captivated by Phil’s eyes. He counted at least five different colors swirling in his pupils, while all he got was dull brown. Dan could say he had the better end of the deal. Besides the obvious, Dan was lucky to get the opportunity to stare at Phil’s lips for as long as he wanted, because hopefully, they’ll spend the rest of their lives together.

His eyes lingered down to Phil’s chapped lips, deciding that he should do something about it. He kissed Phil slowly and deliberately, almost as if bored with it. Dan ignored their morning breath, instead focusing on how Phil’s lips moved well with his and how  _ perfect  _ everything felt. He’ll probably never get tired of kissing Phil and will always long for the next time he does.

Dan climbed on top of Phil and grabbed his face to deepen their kiss. He squeaked when he felt Phil’s hands grab his bare bum, feeling Phil giggle against his lips. He captured Phil’s bottom lip and nibbled it gently. Dan tried to steady himself by placing his hands on Phil’s chest, feeling his heart pounding and his breath quickening. He was probably just the same, only amplified ten times.

“Anyway,” he murmured, breaking away and resting his head under Phil’s chin, “being in a relationship shouldn’t be a hindrance from learning stuff from my past. So, do you have any tidbits of the past for me today?”

“I usually look for something based around what’s happening around us. And I’m happy to say we didn’t do… this… when we were ten.” Phil gestured between them sheepishly. 

Dan snorted. “Yeah, I didn’t mean about sex, you dingus. There has to be something else.”

Phil looked around, with great difficulty having Dan on top of him, and looked for an object that might be related to something they’ve done before. As ridiculous as it may sound, he got an idea from the bottle cherry lube they used the previous night. 

Dan sat up and crossed his arms.  _ “Are you kidding me? _ ”

Phil laughed and shook the bottle. “Tidbit from the past! When we were snooping in Martyn’s dresser…”

“I don’t like where this is going,” Dan interrupted, covering his face.

“You saw a bottle of--not cherry, pineapple-- lube in his drawer.” Phil twirled the bottle between his pointing fingers. “Of course, being the ever so curious eight year old, you tasted it.”

“Why?” Dan lamented dramatically.

“It said pineapple in the label so you thought it was edible. You weren’t wrong though.” 

“You’re making this up!” he said, slapping Phil’s chest.

“I wish,” Phil fell silent, and Dan realized he was being serious. He slowly started to smile and added, “I wasn’t.”

“You little shit. Stop that,” Dan warned, leaning down until he was inches from Phil.

“Stop what?"

“That smile you do. With your tongue.” And because of Phil being Phil, he did the exact expression. Dan groaned as a result.

He leaned back to meet Phil’s eyes, and before questioning the mischievous glint in his eyes, Phil flipped their positions over so that Dan was now underneath him. He grabbed both his wrists and pinned them above his head with one hand. 

“ _ Phil!”  _ he yelled playfully. He tried to wrestle out of his grip, but Phil probably didn’t even sweat. With his free hand, Phil ran his fingers over the expanse of Dan’s stomach. He hated being tickled, it was like being powerless and having no control of your entire being. But with Phil it was a different case, he felt safe no matter what he did to him. 

Which is why he agreed to repeat what they done in the past with Phil in the first place. He probably would’ve declined the offer if it were any other person, but he felt Phil was being sincere right from the beginning. And true enough, Phil gave a lot of effort to make sure they both enjoyed each activity, even turning it into their own instead of something from the past.

“You know what,” Dan panted, trying to wriggle out of Phil’s grip. “I changed my mind. No more memories from the past. We can just make new memories instead.”

Phil finally let go of Dan’s wrists and held himself up by placing both hands on either side of Dan’s head. 

“Yeah, I like the sound of that.” He hummed in thought, eyeing Dan’s neck. He said, “Tidbit from the present: You really love neck kisses.” He demonstrated it by peppering kisses on the bruises already forming on his neck. “You always say you hate people touching your neck, but I seem to be the only exception.” 

Phil licked down his trail of hickeys and Dan moaned, bringing his hands to Phil’s hair and tugging it gently. 

Phil bit his earlobe and whispered throatily, “In fact, you love being marked. Guess my favorite flower isn’t enough to show people that you’re mine?”

Dan squirmed, confused whether he wanted Phil to continue his ministrations or not. He didn’t know whether he wanted Phil to do  _ more  _ or stop for a bit so that he could get breakfast. Dan hated being a horny teenager, always having his head muddled with sex-drived hormones.

But Phil trailed down his chest, leaving tiny marks on random places. Dan watched him with hooded eyes and parted lips. He ducked down to dip his tongue into his bellybutton and blowing cold air into it. Phil wasn’t even touching him but  _ shit  _ it was just as tantalizing.

Finally,  _ finally,  _ Phil was starting to work his way down his waistband. But before he could go any further, he crawled back up and pecked Dan’s cheek. He sighed in frustration.

“ _ No!  _ Stay there!” Dan pleaded, pushing Phil’s shoulders down.

“Hmm, pushy, are we?” He said, jumping out of bed and stretching his arms up. Dan wiggled his arms and legs exasperatedly, watching Phil disappear into the bathroom and hearing the water running.

“Come back, Phil!” he called out, turning himself to lie on his side and pouting until Phil reemerged while brushing his teeth. Dan watched as he walked over to his closet and took out two sets of pajamas, throwing a set to Dan. 

“We don’t have to get dressed you know,” Dan suggested, his eyes trailing down as Phil went back to the bathroom. “It’s a waste of time.”

He went out wearing his grey shirt and a fresh pair of boxers. He crossed his arms and said, “Well, I don’t want you walking around my flat butt naked.”

Dan shrugged, “Why not?” but wore the shirt Phil gave him anyway. He nuzzled his nose onto the fabric and inhaled deeply. “Mmm, you smell like warm.”

Phil raised his eyebrow, “Thanks, I guess. I’ll go make breakfast.”

Dan proceeded to wear the boxers Phil gave him and slumped back onto the bed, hugging a pillow while watching Phil prepare the ingredients. He took out a carton of eggs and a loaf of bread. 

“Whatcha making?” Dan questioned.

“French toast. D’you want something else?” He turned back to look at Dan, who shook his head earnestly. Phil smiled and went back to work. 

Dan really liked Phil’s flat. Everything was in one area so he could watch Phil cook while he laid in bed. Dan didn’t have to get out of bed if he didn’t want to, unless he wanted to relieve his strong urge to pee. But he was too comfortable with his position, and his view, to move an inch.

He watched Phil beat the eggs and sighed in content. This was the man he was going to spend the rest of his life with. There’d be endless moments like this where Phil would make breakfast for the two of them-- and probably vice versa, if he ever learned to hold a spatula. They’d probably move in a bigger flat together; he might not get to watch Phil cook in bed, but at least he could wake up every morning next to him.

Dan found it amazing how his point of view could change in just a week. He found long term commitment scary before, knowing that one day the person he’d fallen in love with-- his soulmate-- would one day leave him if they wished. He thought it was best to avoid it all together to make sure it never happened to him.

But after that one week of pure thought, weighing the pros and cons of being with Phil, he realized that the cons were very few, if not, nonexistent. He realized, with the help of his mum and Louise, that maybe commitment wasn’t so bad. Maybe there’ll be some bumps along the road, but their relationship would be strong enough that they would work things out. Maybe they’ll be together forever.

“Hey Phil?” Phil looked up and grunted questioningly. “Do you think we’re gonna be together forever?”

Phil gave him one of those winning smiles, the one that always made Dan melt. “That’s the plan.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This entire fic has honestly been a year’s worth of labor. I came up with the idea for the fic like two years ago with no exact fandom to use it for, since I mostly did Sherlock fics at the time and I didn’t really think this would work for Johnlock. Then last year, when I joined this hell and used this idea for a phanfic, I lost inspiration like in the birthday dinner, bc how do you words???? 
> 
> Then I joined the Phandom Big Bang bc I thought, hey why not? You’ve always wanted to make a really long fic my pal just do it!!! At first I didn’t think of using this idea for the fic because its been rotting in my google drive for a few months, but then I didn’t have the time to think of anything else ~~bc im a slacker lmao~~ so I just continued writing it (i havent posted it anywhere else before this if you were planning to call the pbb cops). This is literally the only thing i did ~~besides pokemon go~~ the entire summer and its safe to say that it was quite worth while
> 
> Is this what an author’s note is supposed to look like? Idk man no one is gonna read this ~~no one is probably not even gonna read my fic too ngl~~ but I’m super proud making this and learning new things from my team mates!! its been a wild ride and i’m honestly super excited for the next year’s pbb!!
> 
> Kudos and Comments are gladly appreciated :D 
> 
> Send me prompts @[rephil](http://rephil.tumblr.com)!!!


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